Lost Love
by c.roy
Summary: Together again, can Alex and Marissa make things work?
1. Empty and Cold

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters or places mentioned in this story. If I did, I would not be writing this.

A/N: This is my first published fan fiction. It is a work in process and advice is greatly accepted. So if you have an idea about part of it let me know.

Summary: Alex is gone, but Marissa regrets it...

Marissa:

I watched her walk away; the way she walked reflected her sadness. As soon as I couldn't see her anymore it all made sense, the way I felt about her, our relationship, everything. I wanted to run after her and tell her everything that just happened was a mistake.

That was eight months ago, and there isn't a minute that goes by that I do not think about her. I wish it had made sense while we were together. We probably still would be. I think about where she might be now, back with her family, school somewhere... who knows. She doesn't work at the Bait Shop anymore; no one knows where she went to.

I think about her at night the most, when the other side of my bed is empty and cold. I miss her holding on to me as I sleep, some nights; it was the only thing that helped me sleep. Now I barely get any sleep because all I do is think about her. When I do sleep, I dream about her, her gorgeous blue eyes and her soft lips, the subtle purple streak, the butterfly tattoo...all of her.

All I had to do was go after her and say sorry, that I meant none of it and that I was scared, it was all new to me. But I didn't, I was too scared. She has probably moved on and forgotten me. I wish at times that I could, but she is always the one I think about, the only one I think about.

I remember how two days after it ended all of my stuff was waiting on my front steps. No note, just two suitcases with my clothes and two boxes with some other things. I really wished I had the courage to go to her apartment and tell her. Tell her I love her and I always have. I was scared at first because it felt like the first relationship I could see really lasting.

According to my blackberry it is 2:34 AM and on my cell phone it says it is 2:36 AM. I find myself up a lot just thinking about her. I think about ways to win her back or the day I finally have enough courage to call her or try to find here. I think I might have the courage, but... It is hard, I was the one who treated her badly, she probably... I don't know... That's it, tomorrow; I'm going to find her.

Alex:

I walked away, just like that, I let her down. I let her go like she never meant anything, but that wasn't the problem, she meant everything. I fell so hard and fast for her. Too hard and too fast, because before I knew it, she wasn't there to catch me when I finally landed. It was the toughest fall I had ever encountered yet.

Well that was eight months ago, and there isn't a moment that goes by, when I don't think about her. I though everything was great with us, well I did until her and that boy started hanging out again. I thought I would go home, back to my family, finish high school. But now I don't know where to go. I left Newport a week after her and I broke up or a week after I walked away.

When I try to sleep at night I think of her the most. When I want to cuddle up to her and her side of the bed is empty and cold. There has been no one who has taken her side of the bed and the only person that I want there is her...

I sometimes wonder if she would still be by my side if I hadn't let go so easily. Maybe she was testing me and I failed, miserably, because I let go after only one minor hiccup.

I went back to our apartment and packed all of her stuff into her suitcases. I let it sit there for a day before I decided I should pack up the rest of her stuff. I put various things in two boxes I had lying around. It was one more day before I dropped it by her house. I didn't leave a note or anything, just her two suitcases and two boxes. The notes I tried to write all told her how I really felt about her. The one I almost left read:

_Marissa, _

_I love you._

_Sorry,_

_Alex_

It was the only think I could really think of saying to her. For some reason at the time it felt like the first real relationship that might have actually lasted

I looked at the digital display on my phone for the time, 5:34 AM and on the digital clock next to my bed it says 5:36 AM. That means it is 2:34 or 2:36 AM at home in Newport. Maybe tomorrow I will try to call her, the worst that can happen is that she changed her number. Tomorrow I'm going to call her.

Marissa:

I woke up at 2:30 that afternoon. I drove up to LA, in hopes to find her. I also had to face the last person I ever wanted to see again. When I knocked on the door, it was quickly opened.

The short Latino girl was surprised to see me. "Whoa, what are _you_ doing here?

"I was wondering if you knew where she is. I haven't seen or spoken to her in eight months, I figured you might know where she is..." I said as I looked at the ground, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

"I know what makes you think I would tell _you_ where she is though? What are you going to do for me?" The Latino woman said matter of factly.

"Please... I just really need to find her. I just need to see her again and talk to her again..." I stood on this girl's, who I barely know, doorstep pleading.

"Boston, I spoke with her two weeks ago last. Let me get you her number... just to warn you, she has moved on." The Latino girl went to get the phone number and handed it to me. "I assume that is all you need."

"Thank you." I said before she walked back inside and closed the door. I stood there a bit longer staring at the small piece of paper with ten digits. Those ten digits meant everything to me now. I really wanted to call her, but what the Latino girl just told me, makes me scared. Hey, at least I will have tried and not wondered the rest of my life if I just called that one time.

I went back to my car and started the long car ride back to Newport, the last place I wanted to go. I got stuck in traffic and it ended up taking me four hours to get back to the house on haunted hill.

I got back and went straight to bed. I was so tired. I learned that she now over 3,000 miles away, the visit to LA to see the Latino girl wasn't much help either.

Alex:

I woke up 2:34 that afternoon. I laid in for a little while before going for a run. I only go for a run when I am absolutely upset. For some reason, last night I had this dream with her in it, I wasn't in it though. She was in LA and she went to go visit my ex to where I was. My ex lied to her and said that I was over her. In the dream she waited a little while before leaving and she looked shocked at the news. I wish I could have been there to tell her that there was no one else and I had yet to move on.

As I ran through Boston Common that night, I thought about Marissa more and more and I knew that I had to do something. Eight months of wondering and hoping had done nothing for me. I needed to actually try. When I got back to my apartment I got ready for the day. I prepared myself for the phone call I was about to make. I sat down with the phone in hand for an hour before I actually decided I couldn't do just yet. I call my ex for some advice. It was about 5 at night in LA so I figured it would be okay.

"Hey, what's up?" My ex answered.

"Not much, I was just thinking about something. I thought I might call you to get some advice..." I sort of sounded desperate and I hated it.

"I had a visitor today, about an hour ago." My ex teased.

"Really now, who might it have been?"

"That ex girl-friend of yours, the one who came with you when you came looking for some of your stuff." My ex said plainly with out hesitation.

"Her? As in her, the one and only her?" I asked because there was no way I was about to believe my ex.

"Yes, tall, brunette, skinny, too skinny, nice hair, rich...drives a red Mustang." My ex described her as though she was standing right in front of her.

"Well...what did she ask about?" I inquired anxious as hell to find out why she had driven two hours to see my ex.

"Well she was asking about—oh wait a minute, I have call coming in." My ex quickly put me on hold before I could protest. I waited on the phone for ten minutes before my ex got back on. "Hey, I have to go, this is an important call and I need to take it. It was great talking to you Alex, I'll call you later." Before I knew it my ex hung up on me and all I heard was the dial tone.

I laid back down and stared up at my ceiling. I wondered what she had said to my ex, why would she have called my ex. What did she tell my ex, what did she ask about... ME? Maybe, it is possible, she would have had no other reason to call my ex. I am over 3,000 miles away from her and my ex was no help at all.


	2. I'm Kidding Myself

Part Two:

Marissa:

I laid in bed almost all morning the day after my trip to LA. The only time I got out of bed was to find my iPod. I put it on the dock and put on my "Her" play list. It is all the songs that remind me of her. I took my phone out and decided I'd try to call her. Just then the song came on, the one that reminds me of her more than anything else, "Reason Why," by Rachael Yamagata. That was the night that we both realized our friendship may be a little more than just friends.

A tear ran down my cheek and I wiped it away slowly with my thumb. I put my phone back on my nightstand next to my bed and laid down. I wasn't quite ready to call her yet. Around one that day my phone rang. I was nervous, was it her, no…why would it be her…it isn't her, well it could be her, but… I finally picked up my phone and noticed it was my best friend calling. My best friend wanted to meet up for lunch at the Crab Shack. I turned down lunch to mope a bit more.

The music only reminded me of her more. All the lyrics called out to me and reminded me more and more of her, and out relationship. I shut the music off because I couldn't sit around and cry about her forever. I told myself I would find her and I will, today, I need to call her.

I finally took my phone and sat down on the bed, ready to call. I stared at it before I clicked on my phone book, she is the first entry person in my phonebook. I stared at it a little bit longer.

Alex:

The day after talking to my ex came so soon. I woke up around noon after actually sleeping last night. I had to actually go to work today. I work at a place very similar to the Bait Shop. This new place is called the Fisher's Wharf. It is much Boston's equivalent to the Bait Shop.

I showered and got dressed. I hadn't done laundry in close to two weeks so I had no clean clothes. I was going through the back of my closet and came across the shirt, her shirt, the black CBGB shirt that I gave her. She loved wearing this shirt. When I was packing her belongings I came across and held on to it for an entire night. I wanted to keep something that reminded me of her, it is sappy, I know.

I put the form fitting black shirt on and a pair of old jeans and left for work. It was a beautiful cool November day in Boston. The trees were bare and the leaves had all fallen, the trees hanging over the Charles looked gorgeous with the sun glimmering over the river. I can't believe it, but the year is almost over, I'm actually pretty happy about that. A new year means change, and I hope for some good change, maybe to hear from her… I walked along Quincy Market and as it being a Saturday all the shops were busy.

I enjoyed my walk to work, it was so relaxing. I got to think about everything that is going on. Today I was thinking about her, like every other day. What did she go to my ex about… what did she ask my ex. All the same questions I thought about last night.

Before I knew it I was at work and was immediately thrust back into the real life, which I had been avoided for the past two days. I had to start getting ready for tonight's act, The Subways, a new band from England. From what I've heard they are amazing.

After I got settled at my desk in my small office adorned with band posters. I continued to think about her. Should I seriously give her a call or am I going to just think about it for the next fifty years. I took my cell phone and stared at it in my hand, the last call I made was my ex, I could give my ex a call again, see if my ex will tell me anything more.

Just then on of my employees came in to ask me a question. "Hey, the sound crew for tonight is here. They need you to sign some stuff so could you come out to the floor?'

I remained seated staring at my phone and didn't respond.

"Now!" The employee added impatiently.

I got up and went to sign the papers. I knew I was in for a long day of more stuff that reminds me of her. I sat back down at my desk, still no calls. Who am I kidding, why would she call after all this time.

I finally thought that she really probably wasn't going to call, ever. I had been kidding myself after all this time. She really had no reason to call me, unless she wanted to get back together or I had something of hers. The latter of the two seemed the most likely of all.

I sat at my desk for the next two hours accomplishing nothing. Not one page of paperwork was read or signed. No bands called to book or confirm, nothing. I really need to start to do something about all of this. I NEED to call her. Tonight after work, it will be earlier back home, Yep, tonight I will finally call, no matter what.

Marissa:

I continued to stare at her name in my phonebook. Yet still did nothing to solve the problem. I could have easily pressed the button and call her, but I hadn't yet.

My mom came in to see if I was still alive. I had no interest in telling her the truth so I said I was great. I knew she saw right though it. She may be greedy, but my mother is not stupid. She smiled slyly and walked out of my room, she knew I wasn't going to tell her anymore. When she left I picked my phone back up and continued to stare at her name, four letters, four beautiful letters. Four of my favorite letter, while they are in that form at least. It is ironic that she is first on my phonebook, she is first in my life in so many ways. She is the first I think about when I wake up, the first one I truly cared about…

But what am I still doing looking at her name and not doing anything. She hasn't called either though, so it isn't entirely my fault. She was the one to walk away. I am completely kidding myself that she will actually call. For eight months I have though she might call, but has she? No. She has no reason now. Well, better late than never I suppose, but I shouldn't wait by the phone for the rest of my life. I should just call her instead… I never know, maybe I'll get up the courage to tell her I REALLY fell. But she has gotten over me. No I'm going to call her. Tomorrow, I'm actually going to call her. Yep, tomorrow, when I know for sure I'm ready.

While I waited for tomorrow to come I got started on my homework, the only thing I had to do. How pathetic, the only thing I have to do is homework…

I went downstairs and saw my mom making dinner for my step father.

"Hello sweetie, are you going to join us for dinner?"

"No." I said blatantly. "I came down and go for a drive. I need to go out for a little bit."

"Sweetie, it is a Sunday night, you have school tomorrow."

"Please mom, you don't care. I'll be back later." I turned around and left. I got in my red getaway car and drive to the beach. I parked and got out and walked out to the sand and my favorite guard stand. Unlike most times, I didn't have anything with me, not even my "magic" flask.

Alex:

The show tonight was amazing, the band was spectacular. They have this one song, "Rock 'N Roll Queen," it is genius. I was at work until about one in the morning because I had to do some paperwork, though I didn't do nearly as much as I needed to. I thought about her some more and how I was finally going to call her tonight. I wasn't afraid anymore, I was ready to call her. The city was quiet at this time, various lights were on here and there, but nothing like this afternoon as I was on my way to work. The streets were empty and people were scarce.

I walked along Commonwealth Ave, and looked into the windows of the Brownstones. I always have liked to see what kind of people leave lights on in the middle of the night. I suppose it is to make the illusion people are awake, but you can't see anyone, so there goes that illusion. Bostonians are funny like that, scared, unlike New Yorkers who don't care if someone tries to look in their window at one in the morning, everyone is still awake anyways.

As I walked I took out my phone and looked at it. I was ready to call her, it was only ten back in Newport, she should definitely still be awake. She always has her phone with her, so I know for a fact she will answer. Unless she doesn't want to talk to me. Why do I keep thinking about this, she went to see my ex for a reason and it wasn't just to see my ex, she hates my ex. She went to see about me, to find out about me. Okay, I am calling.

I stopped walking and finally held down the number one. She is on speed-dial as number one. Surprise, surprise. I put the phone to my ear and listened. It rang once, it rang twice, it rang three times, it rang four times, no answer… what is the matter, oh am I going to leave a message. I suppose I could…, it rang five times, it rang six times…


	3. The Phone

Part Three:

Marissa:

I sat there for hours, just watching the water, I knew no one would find me here. I loved coming here to get away from everything. Watching the tide turn has been one of my favorite things since Valentine's Day. It seems so long ago she took my hand and let me into her life. But it was only 9 months ago, nine long months ago. It seems like everyday that goes by marks another year, it seems like it has been years since we sat together on this very beach and watched the tide turn for the first time. I miss that, whenever we came down here together, we'd sit and watch the water. When it was time for the tide to turn she was turn to me and tell me, then she's kiss me, like she had been deprived of it for so long. I felt safe in her arms…

I was getting hungry, I knew I couldn't go home yet, so I made my way over to the Crab Shack to get some chili fries, my favorite! Her favorite too, we'd go there and sit in a booth together and share an order. I miss the times I spent with her. The Crab Shack was empty at 10 PM on a Sunday night. I sat in our regular booth and got a black and white milkshake and an order of our chili fries. When the food came I kind of just stared at the door, expecting her to walk in and join me. After a few minutes I realized it wasn't going to happen. She wasn't going to walk in and sit beside me to share our favorite meal of junk food.

I finally started eating my food, though I wasn't even that hungry. I ate a few fries and asked for the check.

"Is everything okay with the fries?" The waitress asked.

"Oh, everything is fine, I thought I was hungry, but I guess I'm not."

"Oh okay, do you want to take them to go?"

"No, that is okay. Thanks anyway though." I said as I paid for the fries and shake.

"Boy problems?" The waitress asked knowing something was wrong.

"No, the opposite…" I said as I continued to stare at the table.

It took the waitress a second to understand what I was getting at. "Oh, is it that girl who you used to come in here with… It has been months since I've seen her… Oh what is her name, she used to manage the Bait Shop..."

"Please, don't…" I became sadder as she pushed the unwanted subject.

"Oh, sorry. Thank for the tip. I'll see you around."

"Yea… bye…" I said as I got up and left the diner.

I went back home, well I took my time because I didn't enter my room until 10:45. I could hear from down the hall my phone ringing. I hurried my pace to get to the phone. I didn't look at the name and answered it.

Alex:

It rang again, seven times… then the voicemail picked up. "Hey, you've reached Marissa. I'm sorry but I can't come to my phone right now . Leave me a message and I will definitely call you back. Have a good day!" Now or nothing I thought…

"Hey, Marissa… It's… umm… Alex. I was calling to talk… umm… how are you? You probably don't want to take my call I understand, but… umm… lately, I've been thinking about you… a lot… actually…" I paused and then continued, "If you want to chat, give me a call… umm… my new number is 978-555-0932, I moved to Boston back in April actually, so yea…"

I closed the phone before I said anything else. Finally, I called, I really called. Now it was up to her, to call me back. Well… I hope she does… oh gosh, she probably thinks I am so desperate now. Not the plan, not the friggen plan. I cursed myself for leaving such a stupid message. It wasn't actually that stupid, it was pretty simple, I think… well I don't know, she will probably think I'm desperate, which I'm not. Well, I am, but I don't want her to think that I am. It kind of ruins everything. Unless, well, unless… no she wouldn't be, it was too stupid for me to even think about.

I walked the streets a little longer. I wasn't really ready to go back to my place yet and mope. I sat down in Boston Commons to think. I really wasn't sure as to why I was so upset at myself. It was just a message, if she doesn't call back, then it is her fault. I tried, I called, and she didn't. But now I am so god damn nervous as to her calling me back or not. Maybe she was just asleep, she could be tired or something. Or maybe she was out with him. Oh she was definitely out with him…that is why she didn't answer. They have probably been back together since I walked away, I wouldn't doubt it. They are one of those couples who will always be together… even when they aren't. After sitting and thinking I headed back to my place ten blocks away. Normally I wouldn't mine the walk, but I was getting tired.

I got back to my place and was exhausted. I dropped my bag and coat on the counter in the kitchen. I knew she wasn't going to call me back tonight so I fell into my bed. I was ready to sleep in my mind, but my body wasn't. I decided to take a shower to relax. It helped a lot which is really good, because by the time I got out I was exhausted. I went to my room, I put on a pair of gray boy shirts and my pink tee with maroon sleeves. I got to bed and immediately fell asleep. I feel asleep knowing I had tried to call and I couldn't feel like I had to keep calling, well I still felt like that, mainly because we didn't talk. But I tried… I guess that is all that really counts…sometimes…

Marissa:

"Shit. I missed it. Whatever, I suppose if it is important they will leave a message." I said quietly to myself.

I was ready to go to bed, but not before I took a shower for the rest of my life. I always felt really dirty after crying for hours. One of the only things that could cleanse me afterwards was a nice, long, hot shower. I turned the water on and stepped in, I inhaled the steam around me and immediately relaxed a little bit. I went back to my room and looked for something to wear. I found my black CBGB shirt. After I noticed she hadn't included hers in my boxes, I went and bought my own. I wear it when I miss her the most. Like tonight, well that would be every night and every day… but for some reason, right now… it feels like I miss her more than any other time before…

I climbed in bed and felt my phone vibrating somewhere. I got out of bed to see what it was. I had a new voicemail. I didn't recognize the number, but listened to the message anyways. I was trying to think who it could have been, probably some telemarketer or something. They always call around this time…

"Hey, Marissa… It's… umm… Alex." My mouth dropped as well as the phone. I was shocked, she called… after all this time, and she actually called. Oh my gosh, it was her who's call I missed. Oh my gosh, of course, the only time I miss a call, it is hers. NO!

I picked my phone back up and restarted the message seeing as I missed most of it since I was my usual self and dropped my phone. Such great timing for that isn't it?

"Hey, Marissa… It's… umm… Alex. I was calling to talk… umm… how are you? You probably don't want to take my call I understand, but… umm… lately, I've been thinking about you… a lot… actually…" I paused and then continued, "If you want to chat, give me a call… umm… my new number is 978-555-0932, I moved to Boston back in April actually, so yea…"

I can't believe it, I really can't. Please I am dreaming, or something. None of this is real, she did not just call. I did not get a message from her. She certainty did not say that she has been thinking about me, a lot. Okay, I am definitely dreaming here, none of this is real, it can't be. Can it?

I listened to the message again. "Hey, Marissa… It's… umm… Alex. I was calling to talk… umm… how are you? You probably don't want to take my call I understand, but… umm… lately, I've been thinking about you… a lot… actually…" I paused and then continued, "If you want to chat, give me a call… umm… my new number is 978-555-0932, I moved to Boston back in April actually, so yea…"

Okay, so maybe it is real… I put my phone down to think. Should I call her back. Yes, I should… she is probably waiting by her phone, god knows I would be if I called and left a message. Okay, I'm calling her back… right now, right this second.

I picked my phone back up and held down the number one, she was number one on my speed dial.

It rang once, it rang twice, and it rang three times. Okay, if she was waiting by her phone, she would have answered by now, I thought to myself. It rang again, and again, and… the voicemail picked up… Should I leave a message, well she did, so I guess I could…

"Hey, its Alex. I obviously am busy so leave a message. I'll call when I have time."

"Hey… its umm… Marissa. I just got your message. I missed you call, I picked it up and it had already gone to voicemail. Umm… how are you? You are probably asleep by now, it is late is Boston… Umm… well call me back, if you can… you obviously know my number… Bye… oh and, I've been thinking about you lately, a lot…"

I closed my phone. I had to get the message over with. I thought I was going to explode and tell her everything. Not on a message I couldn't do that. Not even on the phone, I could only tell her in person… I sat there next to my phone for the night, waiting…

Alex:

I got a good amount of sleep that night. For some reason, I sort of felt accomplished…I guess just for calling her. I was still in bed long after I woke up. I turned on the TV and watched MTV2, they always have all the new and good music in the morning. After watching for about ten minutes The Subways video came on for that song I like. It was a really cool video, it makes me like the band even more…

When I got out of bed I walked to my refrigerator and grabbed a beer. I hadn't had one in a few days and I was in desperate need of getting rid of the feeling I was having. I usually never drink to feel better, but this was one of the few times that I felt it was the only thing that might help. I took my first sip and it did nothing for me. I was surprised, it felt like it was forced down. I put the beer back in the frig and went to look for my phone.

When I found it I was surprised when it said 'One New Message.' Was it her? Who else would it have been? Well, it could have been anyone. I looked to see who had called…

Yep, it was her. It was really HER! It put a huge smile on my face. I took my phone to the couch and sat down. I went to my messages to listen.

"Hey… its umm… Marissa. I just got your message. I missed you call, I picked it up and it had already gone to voicemail. Umm… how are you? You are probably asleep by now, it is late is Boston… Umm… well call me back, if you can… you obviously know my number… Bye… oh and, I've been thinking about you lately, a lot…"

Wow, it was really her. She called me back, and she has been thinking about me. This day couldn't get any better, well it could, if by some chance of pure luck, she knocked on my door right now. But the chances of that happening were slim.

I listened to the message again. "Hey… its umm… Marissa. I just got your message. I missed you call, I picked it up and it had already gone to voicemail. Umm… how are you? You are probably asleep by now, it is late is Boston… Umm… well call me back, if you can… you obviously know my number… Bye… oh and, I've been thinking about you lately, a lot…"

Wow, really, really, wow. I still couldn't believe it. Maybe things could work out…for the best that is… I never know… wow. I still can't believe it right now. I am just so…I don't think there is a work that could really describe exactly how I am feeling at this moment. Just a lot of wow.

Should I call her back. No, yes…well I should, she did call me back… but no, she is probably sleeping and – oh what the hell.

I held one down to call her. It started ringing and the butterflies in my stomach were the most active they have been in a long time. It rang one time, it rang a second time, it rang a third time…


	4. Not On the Phone

Part Four:

Marissa:

I answered my phone half way through the ring tone. I knew it was her.

"Hello?" I was quite nervous as I answered the call.

"Hi… it is Alex…" I could tell she was nervous as well, her voice was very shaky.

Silence, it was deafening… Neither one of us knew what to say, even though there was so much we could. Finally…I broke the silence.

"So…how have you been?" I wasn't sure what else to say, I just wanted to end the silence that had lingered between us.

"Umm, I have been okay. Somewhat preoccupied lately… how have you been?" She replied stoically. I could hear no real emotion in her voice, well except for the little bit of shakiness that still overcame her.

"Pretty much the same…" I paused to think for a moment, "I went to see Jodie, to ask about you…"

"I know, I talked with her… she mentioned it when I brought you up…" She started to sound sad, suddenly showing some emotion. I knew this tone all too well, it was the last tone she spoke to me in, right before she walked away.

"I really want to talk to you, I do, but…" I slowed down.

"You don't want to do this over the phone… I don't want to either. I have too much to say, over the phone…"

"I can be in Boston by tomorrow night…" I added unexpectedly, I shocked even myself.

"Really, wait, what? Are you serious?" She was surprised by my offer.

"Completely…" My tone was so desperate, but truthful all at the same time. I needed her so badly it has begun to hurt.

I was pulled away from dreaming by my alarm clock. It was 9:10, in twenty minutes my mother expects me to be ready for Cardio Barre. The dream I was having felt so real, but the problem was, it wasn't. I stayed in bed, refusing to go to Cardio Barre with my mother.

I thought that if I stayed in bed my dream would eventually come true and she would call.

"Darling, we are leaving in five minutes for Cardio Barre…" My mother yelled from the foyer.

"I'm not going. I don't feel so good today. Maybe another time…"

My mother didn't bother arguing with me. She knew it would get her no where. My mother must have left because it is fifteen minutes later and I'm still in my comfy, but empty and cold bed.

I knew that this year's Thanksgiving break would be somewhat exciting, but I didn't count on playing phone tag with her. It was quite fun though, I've never been one for much of a chase, but it is slightly exhilarating.

I sat in bed watching TV. There is nothing on at this time of day. Well, Regis and Kelly is on, but that show never has anyone exciting on. I flipped though and up settling on MTV2. She always said they have good music videos early in the morning. This morning they had a Spotlight on some new band from England, The Subways. They seemed like a band that might play at the Bait Shop or band she would really like.

I was getting hungry so I went to the kitchen for a bagel, I hadn't eaten much over the past few days. My last attempt to eat was last night at the Crab Shack. I accomplished nothing there, I forced the bagel to go down, but at least I had some food in me. I couldn't keep not eating when I got into my deep depressions over her, it really doesn't help.

I headed back upstairs to my room. I took my time going up the stairs. I had nothing else to do. I was ready to fall back asleep. I was still tired for staying up so long. I climbed back into bed to find my phone vibrating.

"You're kidding me! I miss it again. Ahh, this is going to drive me friggen crazy!" I exclaimed as I opened my phone and pressed talk to listen to my message.

"Hey Marissa, it's… umm… Alex, again. You know how much I love a good game of phone tag." She was being sarcastic about the last comment. "I keep missing you, chances are you are sleeping. Well, just hoping we could chat. Give me a call when you get this. Later…"

The message was simple. She was returning my previous call, which I left last night. I knew I had to call her back right away. So I did. It started ringing…

Alex:

It continued to ring. She wasn't answering her phone. I started to worry and get nervous. Am I pressuring her? Did she change her mind? Maybe I should back off a bit, I did just call her last night, it wasn't that long ago. She probably just missed my call… well I hope that was it. Oh god, I am put too much pressure on her. Should I leave a message, yes, no…well, oh god… voicemail. I'm going to leave a message…

"Hey Marissa, it's… umm… Alex, again. You know how much I love a good game of phone tag." She was being sarcastic about the last comment. "I keep missing you, chances are you are sleeping. Well, just hoping we could chat. Give me a call when you get this. Later…"

It was simple, but yet it still let her know that I wanted to talk to her. I really want to talk to her, like sort of a lot. Like a real lot. Like too much, I just want to know if I am fighting for a lost cause or is something going to happen. Are things going to get better after I finally talk to her?

I got back up and walked to my bed again. I am exhausted. I am keeping this phone next to me though for the rest of my life. Forever and ever, until she calls back. It could be a year, and I would still have this damn phone glued to my hand waiting for her to respond. I climbed and bed and laid down, my eyes kept closing and I had to fight to keep them open.

I stared at my phone for five whole minutes, thinking… I thought about all the good times the two of us shared.

When we went to LA to steal my _heart_ back from my ex. That night holds a lot of good memories, I thought for the first time that something may come of our friendship. And if the glances we exchanged when I put the necklace on her weren't enough, then oh god, you would be blind not to notice the attraction. I could feel it…

I think about the time where she took off her shirt in front of me and covered herself up with the skimpy material. She asked if she could borrow some clothes, I almost ran up to her and kissed her then.

I remember our first kiss, as we sat on the sand. When the tide turned, and the two of us were unbelievable nervous. I was shivering and so was she, but when our eyes met, followed by our lips, I wasn't thinking about anything else.

Then, there was that time when my other ex came over. That was interesting, she had just come over after telling her mom about us, and I was getting my other ex some money. She walked out in nothing but a thin robe, my other ex was shocked. We used to joke about his reaction all the time.

I thought about everything, every kiss, every look, every touch, every hug, every word, every night, every day, everything. I continued to lay there is bed, waiting for her to call back. I am so impatient sometimes, but aren't we all.

I put my phone down and looked up at my ceiling. There was nothing else to do, but wait. But how long, an hour, two hours, a day, two days, a week, two weeks? There was no telling.

Just then, my phone started to ring. It was her, it had to be her. I picked up my phone and looked at the caller id. Sure enough, I only had to wait two seconds. I answered it.

"Hey…"

"Hi…I missed your—"

I cut her off before she could finish saying something, "It is okay, I figured you were sleeping or something."

"Oh, I was getting some food, I hadn't really eaten much in the past few days. So I forced a bagel down."

"I know what you mean…"

It was a little awkward. I hoped that as the conversation went on we spoke a little more.

"So… you called…"

"Yes, yes I did… I had been thinking about…you and me, and well us…" I paused as I thought for a moment. "I had been thinking about how everything ended up, and well—"

"As much as I want to have this conversation, I don't want to have it over the phone…"

"Oh, yea…I understand completely." Did I, I really just wanted to talk, I could care less where it was.

"I have thought about this conversation, and I really think it would be best if we had it in person."

"Did I mention that I moved to Boston?"

"Yes, yes you did. But, I could come there or you could come here, or we could meet somewhere in between. I think Texas, maybe…" Her last comment was intended to be a joke. I didn't laugh. "Too soon to joke?"

"Yea…just a little… Umm, well it is hard for me. I have a job that I can't really leave and stuff like that…"

"I can be in Boston tomorrow…" She unexpectedly said. I think she even surprised herself when she said it.

"Sure, wait. What? Are you serious? How?" I was shocked…

"I can take a plane from here to Boston and we could get together, for however long you want to talk to however long it takes us to talk…" She paused again. "I just really want to talk to you, about some things, well everything I guess."

"Yea, same here… Wait, are you sure you can come, what about school?"

"Thanksgiving break, my mother won't miss me."

"Okay…well, sure. You can come, and stay as long as you want or need to." I was somewhat shocked by how much everything had turned around in the last few minutes. SHE was coming here, to see ME, and talk to ME, about US.

"Okay, then. I'll get a ticket and call you tomorrow when I am at the airport. Do you think you can wait to talk until then. I really want to talk to you now…"

"But, things will be said, that you want to be said in person. I feel the same way. It would be best if we waited until tomorrow and talked then…"

"Wait, I have one question…"

"Yes…what is it, anything?"

"Are you seeing someone else right now?" She asked blatantly.


	5. Finally

Hey everyone! So I have been thinking about the story and my expectations for it. I think that from now on most of the story will be from Alex's point of view. Every now and then I might put something small from Marissa's point of view, but for some reason I can write for Alex a lot better than I can for Marissa. So everyone should really enjoy this post. I have included the long awaited Marissa and Alex conversation. Well, part of it, not all of it. I found a spot here where I could leave you all hanging! I kept on writing long past what I had expected though and I can't really find a spot to split it in two. So you will get most of it! I hope you enjoy!

Part Five:

Alex:

Should I answer, what should I do? I didn't say anything to answer her question.

"You know what. Don't answer that yet. Like I said it is better if we do this in person. I'll call you tomorrow when I get a flight and everything. Bye." She quickly ended the conversation, I could tell she was regretting asking the question.

All I could say in return was, "Bye." I didn't know what I should have said. How could I tell her that the only other person I ever even think about is her, that I dream about her, that she is the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about when before I finally fall asleep. How could I tell her that she is on my mind more than anything else?

If I had told her everything that I was thinking the conversation would have been had over the phone. I wanted to tell her in person so I could see her reaction, so I could tell her exactly everything I feel for her. Of course I hadn't been seeing anyone. Had she been seeing someone? Is that why she asked? She is probably seeing her ex again, or was with him for a little while. I could never even start to understand her relationship with her ex.

Well it is Monday, about noontime. That gives me a good thirty hours until she will be here. Whoa…wait…her…here…tomorrow? I thought about it for the first time. She was going to be HERE…TOMORROW! I need to clean and do laundry, oh gosh I have to do lots of laundry, and I have to go to work. Oh gosh, I have so much to do before she is here. I wasn't quite sure if I was panicking enough. I am so nervous about how everything is going to go with her, I just need to be truthful.

I jumped out of bed and got all my dirty clothes in a pile. Oh whoa was that a big pile. I had to go down to the basement of my building to start on laundry. I have so much of it… it will probably take me until tomorrow to finish. I put two loads in and wandered in a daze back to my apartment.

I sat on my bed staring at the wall. I was thinking that things might actually go back to the way they were before. It was a good feeling, to know things were looking up. Now they just have to be up, not just looking up, and everything will be amazing. When I see her tomorrow and can hug her and hold her and touch her and kiss her, which is when everything will get better.

After I had done a few loads of laundry it was about 4ish. I had to leave for work in an hour so I could be there by 6. Since it is Monday it is Open Mic Night. It is always the same acts trying to make it _big,_ some bands are good, other great, and some terrible. My favorite is a new band, The Agendas, who started playing at the Wharf about a month ago, I really think they will get signed. They are the definition of Alternative Rock.

I went to the basement to get one of my clean shirts and pair of jeans. I settled on my blue Nashville tee and a pair of Rock and Republic jeans. I went to take a shower and then got ready for work. I left at 4:45, it takes me about half and hour. As I walked I thought about her and what it will be like once she is here.

I had to wait another twenty four hours before seeing her, at least. I've waited eight months, I think I can wait another twenty four hours. When I got to work someone had already opened up. The only other person with a key is my boss and he is NEVER here.

"Hello, who the hell is in here?" I asked as I walked in.

"Hey Alex. Good to see you have things under control. How are you?" My boss asked as he walked out of my office. "How's the club here doing?"

"It is good, everything here is going good. What brings you here?"

"I wanted to check up on you. Make sure everything was okay, make sure my club was still standing."

"Yep, it is. How long are you here for?"

"Not long, I just got a new club up in New Hampshire on the beach. I was driving up there to check it out, see what needs to be done to it. I hope to open it by June. You know, I'll need a manager up there? You interested in living and working at a beach in the summer and in the winter live here in Boston and run this joint?"

"There are beaches in New Hampshire? I'm still trying to get over that part of the topic." I spoke exactly what I was thinking, I never knew there was water in New Hampshire.

"Yeah, Hampton Beach, it is on the ocean."

"Whoa, New Hampshire has a coast line?"

"Yep, 13 miles from tip to tip and 26 miles of road."

"Oh… umm, I will think about your proposition. A good friend of mine is coming into town tomorrow and I think I might have to talk her."

"Hey, if she wants to work the place with you that would be great. It is a big place for me, the help would be great."

"Like I said, I would have to talk to her first."

My boss walked around a bit more and then started talking again. "It would be a strictly show venue. Maybe an Open Mic, once a month, so what is that three a year. Big names, the last people who ran it had some older bands, like from back when. I was thinking about making a scene place, like I did here." You want to drive up with me tonight? We'll be back first thing tomorrow morning because I am flying out to California. I'm still looking for a somewhat decent manager at the Bait Shop, after my last one, decided to move to Boston."

"Hey, Nat. I needed a change of scenery. What else can I say?"

"I know Al. It is hard to replace someone who helped such a great place take off. You are good at that. You revived this place with in two months and well, now up in New Hampshire, you can get that place off the ground…"

"Maybe, I can't promise anything because I myself am so unsure of everything that is happening."

"Understandable, understandable. So what do you say, you want to join me for a trip up to New Hampshire for the night?"

"Umm… sure, I've never been to New Hampshire, when will be leaving?"

"In an hour. You won't need any clothes, we'll be back later tonight."

"Okay, but can we stop by my place, I'm doing some laundry and I need to switch the loads."

"Yep that is fine Miss Kelly."

We waited for a few more minutes until some of the employees knew I was leaving for the night. My boss brought me by my place and I switched the loads.

Within an hour we were arriving at Hampton Beach, New Hampshire. We were greeted by a fairly new and quite expensive sign. It looked somewhat run down, all the shops and restaurants were boarded up.

"This place may need a bit more reviving then the Wharf did…"

"No, it is winter, no one is here in the winter that is why it will only be open three months out of the year."

"Oh, okay…" I looked around and soon after passing the sign we arrived in front of a huge building that stretched for two blocks. It was blue and old, I could tell that it might need to some… life."

The former owner let us in. Inside the concert hall it was gorgeous. A nice stage, enough seating for at least 1,500 people, sky boxes, a bar, enough bathrooms, the place was like a palace that just needed to be spiffed up a bit.

"So who is your friend Nat?"

"Oh, this is Alex, she is the manager at my club in Boston. She does a good job of opening places up. She revived the Fisher's Wharf in two months and helped make my club in Newport Beach, California, one of the hottest clubs in the OC."

"So, will you be managing this club here?"

"Not sure yet. I would like to, but there is someone I need to check with first…"

"Gotcha…"

The meeting lasted another hour or so. Before I knew it we were heading back to Boston and it was about nine. The drive back took us an hour once again. My boss dropped me off at home and told me to enjoy the week, off. He said I looked exhausted and I need to rest and think about the offer for the new place.

I walked up to the third floor, where my apartment is and slowly let myself in. I was getting slightly more nervous as time went on. She is coming soon, in less than 24 hours, she will be here tomorrow…Just thinking about it caused me to get butterflies in my stomach. I did the final two loads of laundry and went to bed. By the time I was actually in bed ready to fall asleep it was almost midnight. I was exhausted and had no more energy, I was so thankful that my boss gave me the week off.

Marissa;

I shouldn't have asked her if she was seeing anyone, it isn't any of my business anymore.

"You know what. Don't answer that yet. Like I said it is better if we do this in person. I'll call you tomorrow when I get a flight and everything. Bye." I quickly ended the conversation, she could tell I was regretting asking the question.

All she said was "Bye," before I hung up unexpectedly.

When I got off the phone with her I immediately started packing a bag. How long was I going to go for though? We never talked about how long I would be there, maybe we should see how it goes, play it by ear. I finished packing with in two hours. I sat in my room on my bed waiting, what should I do.

I called my mom's travel agent to book a flight to Boston. It leaves here at 10 AM and arrives there at 7 PM, it seems so long because of the time difference. After booking the flight I had nothing to do. I decided to go sit on the beach, and watch the tide turn. It was something I started doing for when something big is about to happen. I sat there for two hours just looking at the water. I walked up the pier after a while and ended up going to the Bait Shop. I had not been there in a while, mainly because it reminds me of her. I took a seat at the bar and ordered a soda, yep that is right, no alcohol. I've been trying to curb the drinking, lately when I am happy I haven't needed it.

Alex:

I clutched my pillow as I slept, as I pretended it was her I was holding on to. It helps me sleep better at times.

When I woke up the next morning, it was 10 AM. She hasn't called me yet about when she is going to be here. I turned on the TV to MTV2 once again. Every time I turn it on this station the music playing reminds me of her, and yet again it does today. The new Bell X1 video was playing, a band that she and I both love.

I got up and wandered into the kitchen to find that I had no food and a total of three beers left.

As I was walking to the market that was a few blocks down my cell rang, it was her.

"Hello?"

"Hey… I got a flight, for this afternoon. I should be there, about seven tonight your time."

"Cool, is there anything you want from the market, I'm on my way there, and I have no food…?"

"Umm… no it doesn't really matter."

"Okay, I'm looking forward to seeing you. Is there anything you want to do tonight, when you get here?"

"Umm… well talk obviously, but, do you want to go to dinner?"

"Sure, I'll find somewhere good that we can go to."

"Okay, cool. Well I'm gonna go, will you be there to pick me up?"

"Of course, you said 7, tonight right?"

"Yea…"

"I'll be there."

"Okay, talk to you then Alex."

"Yep…"

"Bye…"

"Bye Marissa."

I hung up the phone and walked into the small bodega to get some of the essentials, Fiji water, Lucky Charms, milk, Cherry Garcia, chips, and some more beer. It was a quick trip, like always. I brought the stuff to my house and then set out to Blockbuster for movies. What should I get, I thought? What movies does she like?

I picked up a movie called DEBS and another, oh I can't remember the name. The DEBS one looked good though, hopefully she will like it.

When I got back to my place after shopping for movies it was close to two in the afternoon. Four and a half hours until I am leaving to go pick her up, until I see her again, until my life will change…

I wish we could go back to the beach and sit and watch the tide turn like we did on Valentine's Day, but there aren't any beaches in Boston, and it is quite cold here. At some point I'll have take her to that beach up in New Hampshire, and we can watch the tide turn there. The beach there seemed really nice… it would be cool to work and live there…

For the first time I started thinking about the option my boss gave me about going to the club in New Hampshire for the summer. It looked promising, I could work my magic, get some great bands, sell-out every show, jam the place packed, it could really work. I sat on my couch with a pen and notebook writing down all the bands that would NEED to come and revive the ailing club.

_Rise Against_

_Rooney_

_Rachael Yamagata_

_The Killers_

_The Thrills_

_Death Cab for Cutie_

_The Subways_

_AFI_

_Reel Big Fish_

_Bell X1_

_Iron and Wine_

_Michael Tolcher_

_Frou Frou_

The list went on, I had a stunning number of bands on the list. I figure to really get it big to have at least two or three bands a week. I thought of all the ways to get the club back on its feet. I made lists of things for four hours. Before I knew it, it was six. I had to get ready, in half in hour. I jumped up and ran in the shower. I shower quickly and dried my hair for fifteen minutes. I pulled part of my hair back a bit and let most of it down. I put on a simple band tee and jeans. I didn't want to look like I was trying to hard, I just wanted to look simple.

I was leaving my apartment a little bit late. It was 6:45 and I was pulling my car out. I never take my car out, because it is impossible to get a spot near my apartment, but it is worth it for her. I drove as quickly as possible to the opposite side of the city. By the time I got to the airport and got a parking spot it was 6:10.

She is probably waiting for me, I thought as I walked into Logan Airport. I didn't see her yet. Oh gosh, my hands, they are shaking. I went to look at the screen that tells you where flights are. She said she was taking a flight, oh shit, she didn't tell me which airline. I was standing there dumbfounded. I was looking for a flight from LAX that would arrive at 7. There was only one, from American Airlines. I went and stood by baggage claim eight. The conveyor belt had already started up and bags were coming out. Still, no sign of her… Maybe she changed her mind, maybe she didn't come after all. I took a seat on a bench with a perfect view of the gate where she would be coming from. As minutes passed there were less and less people coming out and less and less bags on the conveyor belt. I didn't see any designer bags yet, knowing she travels in style. I was getting really nervous as I sat there. Another five minutes passed and still no sign of her. I got and walked around a bit, in hopes to find her.

Marissa:

When I got home after going to the Bait Shop I went straight to sleep, I was going to have a long day tomorrow. I climbed into bed and clutched my pillow, as I pretended it was her I was holding. It is something I tend to do a lot at night.

The next morning when I woke up at 7:30 I called her.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Hey… I got a flight, for this afternoon. I should be there, about seven tonight your time."

"Cool, is there anything you want from the market, I'm on my way there, and I have no food…?"

"Umm… no it doesn't really matter."

"Okay, I'm looking forward to seeing you. Is there anything you want to do tonight, when you get here?"

"Umm… well talk obviously, but, do you want to go to dinner?"

"Sure, I'll find somewhere good that we can go to."

"Okay, cool. Well I'm going to go, I'll call you I guess when I arrive. Will you be there to pick me up?"

"Of course, you said 7, tonight right?"

"Yea…"

"I'll be there."

"Okay, talk to you then Alex."

"Yep…"

"Bye…"

"Bye Marissa." She was the last to speak and I hung up the phone after she muttered my name softly.

I made sure all my stuff was packed and if it wasn't, well hopefully Boston has good shopping. I ate a bagel and packed my car. My mom saw me doing this.

"Umm, darling, where do you think you are going?"

"Boston, for a little while."

"Thanksgiving is on Thursday. You are not going ANYWHERE."

"Mom, I'm sorry but I need to do this. I don't think you will understand so I'm not going to tell you anymore. My flight leaves at ten, so I kind of have to leave now to get to LAX.

I've said it once, but I will say it again, if Caleb kicks while I'm gone, and you need help counting your cash, give me a call, you know the number."

I went inside the house to grab my last bag and my purse and left. I didn't say another word to my mother. I pulled out of the drive way and had to hurry to get to the airport. I got there and was able to check in and run to the gate. They had already started boarding. I was late. I got there just in time.

"Almost missed it miss. Have a safe trip." The attendant said as she swiped my ticket and handed it back to me.

"Thank you."

The flight was long. I took my iPod out and turned it on. I put the entire thing on shuffle to keep me occupied during the flight. They plane had TVs and on one station they were playing the Valley. I decided to sit and watch it for a little bit. The flight went by so quickly. Before I knew it the captain was over the intercom.

"Hello again, this is the captain speaking. It is 6:50 local time, in just a few minutes we will be making our final decent into Logan International Airport in Boston, Massachusetts. I hope everyone had an enjoyable flight."

The plane landed and by seven I was walking off the plane. I hope to hell she is here, I don't want to have to wait. I walked out to the baggage claim area and there was no sign of the blond hair blue eyes beauty. I got my bags off the conveyor belt, they were the first ones and I decided to take a seat on a bench the faced out towards the parking garage.

I waited for twenty minutes, and still no sign of her. It was almost 7:30, should I call her and see if she is on her way. I don't want make her feel bad though… I sat there for a little while longer. She still isn't here yet. I decided to call her and see where she was.

I pressed down the number one impatiently. It started to ring and, all of a sudden I heard a phone start ringing behind me. I turned around and watched her answer her phone.

"Hey, where are you?"

I got up and walked up behind her. I hung my phone up. "Behind you…"

She turned around and looked at me. It was silent, like the first phone conversation, but worse, because it was in person.

Alex:

I still didn't see her, I looked at every conveyor belt for all the flights from LAX in the last hour. Still nothing. I was getting scared, did she really decide against it, I was looking forward to seeing her, a lot. I went back to number eight and just waited. My phone started to ring. I saw that it was her and answered it immediately.

"Hey, where are you?" I asked, and I got no response right away. I think she hung up. Then from out of no where, behind me, I heard it. Her. Her voice…

"Behind you…" She said softly. I turned to her.

Neither of us knew what to say. The silence was terrible, I wanted to say hi, but wasn't sure how to. It was like I forgot how to speak altogether. It was awful…

I finally broke the silence. "Hi…"

"Hey…"

"Let's get your bags and put them in my car. Then we are going to this great restaurant called Fire and Ice tonight for dinner. We have a reservation at eight. It was the earliest I could get." I started rambling. "Then we can go back to my place or the club, what ever you want to. Tonight at the club is a band called Doves. They are quite good, they're music is amazing and—"

"Shut up…" Marissa said blatantly. "You are rambling, not good. Let's go to the car, we can talk in there. By talk, I mean an actual conversation, where you allow me to speak as well."

"Sorry, I'm just really happy to see you…" I slowed down and looked at her and our eyes met. I looked into the emerald green eyes, the catch me every time. They were just as beautiful as the last time I looked into them.

"Me too…" She said as a small smile came across her lips. Oh those lips, it took every once of strength I had not to kiss them right then. We continued to stare into each others eyes.

"Right, your bags, my car…" I said shaking my head to regain focus. "Let me help you."

She showed me her three huge suitcases. I wasn't sure to take this as a good or bad thing. I was hoping she brought a lot of clothes because she wanted to stay awhile. Hell, she could stay forever.

"You have quite a few bags."

"Well, I wasn't sure how long I was going to stay. I didn't buy a return ticket, because I didn't know how long it would take us to talk…"

"Right talk…" I said completely forgetting the two of us still had to talk. "Of course. Come on, let's go." I said as I took two of her bags and leading the way to the car.

We walked to my Jeep in silence. Neither of us knew how to say what we wanted to. I had so many things running through my head but picking one out and talking about it seemed like an impossible task. I was never this nervous, about anything. When I got nervous or upset I went for a run, right now I really can't.

We both got in the car, it took me a second to start it. I looked over at her and she was looking out the window. I stared at her for a second, taking in her beauty. I wanted to just tell her right then that I loved her, that I had for so long, and that I always would. It wasn't that easy though. If I did come straight out and say that I would have to deal with the repercussions. She would probably take the next flight to LAX and head home without even replying. I couldn't scare her off.

We went back to my place to drop off her bags. That is when we started talking. She was the first to break the longing silence.

"We have an hour until dinner, do you want to talk a bit right now?"

"Sure, umm… let's go sit on my couch. Do you want anything to drink, water, beer…?"

"I'm fine, thank you though." I came to sit next to her on the opposite end of the couch. "You can have something if you want though… don't drink because of me."

"No, I'm fine. Don't worry about it…" I was being quiet, really quiet, I hadn't been this shy since I first met her. I didn't know how to go about anything back then. I always fumbled when she was around. She makes me do that, she makes me nervous.

"So you called…?"

"Yea, I did, didn't I?" I paused and looked down. "I had been thinking about you and I was thinking about how I left everything. I never really gave you a chance to say anything... I just left, I know now that I shouldn't have done that."

"I let you walk away. I didn't try to stop you and explain myself. I should've, I should've tried. You gave me everything, and more… I gave you nothing…"

Once we started talking everything went a lot easier. We couldn't stop talking, everything just came from our mouths exactly how we meant it. There was nothing to hide from each other.

Before I knew it, it was 7:45. We had to leave if we wanted to get to the restaurant on time. It was a good ten minute walk away.

"Hey, I hate to cut the conversation short, but our reservation is in fiftenn minutes, and it is a ten minute walk away. We might want to leave."

"We're walking?" She seemed surprised.

"Well, we could take my car, but it is impossible to find good parking, it isn't that far away. It is actually just down the street a little ways. Half mile at the most, not even."

"Okay, well let me grab my coat and let's go."

We headed out to Fire and Ice for dinner. We started talking about Newport and the people there.

"So, how is old Seth Cohen doing?"

"Good, he and Summer are still together, which is a miracle. They actually both applied to Brown for next year."

"Did you say both of them applied to Brown? I didn't know Summer was really that smart… I don't mean to be rude, but—"

"No one knew she was. She got a perfect score on her SATs. It surprised us all. Trust me. It was pretty funny actually, Seth got really upset. It was so cute though."

"What about you? Where are you applying to?"

"I'm not really sure I am going to go to college. I got applications for a few places, but I never really saw myself going to college."

"What, you have to go to college. You would be surprised, you'd do really well at a lot of schools I think."

"You aren't going to college…" She remarked quickly.

"Marissa, I'm not really smart. I dropped out of high school after being kicked out of three. Colleges don't really like that on applications. Plus, I have my job here in Boston. I couldn't leave this, it has taught me too much. In a way, my work is like college, I have learned a lot from working as a manager of a bar for the last year."

"I don't know, I still have time. I might change my mind about applying, you never know I could end up going to school in Boston."

I wouldn't mind that at all. "Hey, Boston has a lot of good schools. Not to mention, you wouldn't be far from Seth and Summer." Or me.

"Yea, I never really thought about Boston until Summer and Seth applied to Brown. I know it isn't that far from here. I have two applications at home for Northeastern and Boston College."

"I think you could get into both of them, they are really good schools. A few of the Wharf employees go to Northeastern. It is actually right down the street."

"Cool…"

"Well, here we are. This is where we are having dinner."

"Nice…"

We walked in and were immediately seated in my favorite booth in the back of the restaurant. I had been here many times before and the staff knows where I like sitting. In the back it is really private.

Dinner was really good, we caught up a lot more. We talked about everything that had happened to the two of us. We left FiRE and iCE at about ten. On the way home we talked a little more. We walked home quickly because of the bitter cold weather. When we got back to my place we sat on the couch and she started to tell me more.

"It wasn't good really… when you left. I started seeing Ryan again." It was the first I heard her say his name the entire night. "I had missed him, missed being with him, missed everything about him…" She paused and looked at me. My eyes were starting to water at her sincere honesty. "Or, well so I thought. It was the idea of him I missed. The two of us, never really got along when we were together. It had been so long, I had forgotten." I let her talk, she needed me to just listen at the moment. I knew she didn't want to me to say anything. "It wasn't very good when we got back together… Before I knew it we broke up again."

She stopped talking and looked up at me, her eyes filled with unshed tears like mine. It was now time to share my story. When I started talking it was close to eleven and both of us had so much more to say.

"About three days after the bonfire, I got a call from my boss. He had a job offer for me. To revive a club of his. The catch was, it was here in Boston. 3,000 miles away from my friends, family—though there wasn't much of that—and everything I knew. I would have to start over again. I jumped at the chance. I needed to get away from everything back in Newport. It was too hard, you would always be there. There was no changing that. I thought if I left and started over again it would make everything easier. I thought that I could forget the fact that I had fallen in love with…" I stopped as I picked up on what I just said. Marissa's head perked right up and looked right into my eyes. I didn't know if I should continue or not. I decided I should. "You…"

She didn't say anything. She didn't blink, smile, frown, cry, shake her head, nothing. She was emotionless.


	6. Peaceful

Part Six:

Alex:

"You know what. I think we should finish this conversation tomorrow. We have both had a long day. It was good talking to you. Very good." I said, scared of her response. "I will be in my room, I will leave the door open a bit. If you have any questions or you need me for something, feel free to come right in… I am going to bed. Good night." I walked away. Once again I walked away from Marissa Cooper. I did it again and I did not even try to stop myself. I just walked straight in my room. I stripped down to my boy shorts and found a black cami to put on.

I jumped and bed and prayed that I would never have to get out again. She probably hates me now. I just ruined everything. I cursed myself for telling her that I had fallen in love with her. I laid and bed and stared at the ceiling. I tossed and turned for what felt like forever, but it was actually only ten minutes. I finally rolled over and had my back facing the door. I needed to try to sleep.

I had stayed up too many nights to count over whether or not I should call, and tell her that I loved her. I had too many sleepless nights because of her. Now that I called her and she is here, and I told her, I am still nervous. It does not get any better as I make progress.

Marissa:

The two of enjoyed a great dinner, that last for well over two hours. We caught each other up on how things were in each of our lives. Though we didn't touch the parts of our lives that contained each other. That part is private and we want to talk about that alone. I was the first to talk about life that pertained to the both of us.

"It wasn't good really… when you left. I started seeing Ryan again." It was the first time I said his name the entire night. "I had missed him, missed being with him, missed everything about him…" I paused and looked at her. Her eyes were starting to water at my sincere honesty. "Or, well so I thought. It was the idea of him I missed. The two of us, never really got along when we were together. It had been so long, I had forgotten." She let me talk, I needed her to just listen at the moment. She knew I didn't want her to say anything. "It wasn't very good when we got back together… Before I knew it we broke up again."

I stopped talking and looked up at her, her eyes filled with unshed tears like mine. It was now time to share her story. When she started talking it was close to eleven and both of us had so much more to say.

"About three days after the bonfire, I got a call from my boss. He had a job offer for me. To revive a club of his. The catch was, it was here in Boston. 3,000 miles away from my friends, family—though there wasn't much of that—and everything I knew. I would have to start over again. I jumped at the chance. I needed to get away from everything back in Newport. It was too hard, you would always be there. There was no changing that. I thought if I left and started over again it would make everything easier. I thought that I could forget the fact that I had fallen in love with…"

She stopped talking and I looked right up at her. Did she just say what I think she did. No, well she has not finished it, so it probably is not me that she fell in love with…She was unsure if she could continue talking, she looked down and finally finished what she was going to say.

"You…"

I didn't say anything. I didn't blink, smile, frown, cry, shake my head, nothing. I was emotionless.

I didn't know how to tell her I felt the same way. I didn't know if I should tell her or go in and kiss her. I just sat there. Then she freaked, seeing as I hadn't replied.

"You know what. I think we should finish this conversation tomorrow. We have both had a long day. It was good talking to you. Very good." She said, scared of what my response might have been. "I will be in my room, I will leave the door open a bit. If you have any questions or you need me for something, feel free to come right in… I'm going to bed. Good night." She walked away. Once again Alex Kelly walked away from me. I let her do it again. I did not try to stop her either. I just let her walk away. She just walked straight into her room.

I continued to sit on the couch for a few more minutes. When I got up I went to the bathroom and then got ready for bed. I stripped down to my boy shorts and put on a pink cami.

I laid and bed and stared up at the ceiling. I can't believe I had let her just walk away again. I tossed and turned for a while seeing as once again, the thoughts of Alex Kelly where keeping me up. I thought that when I came here and we talked that I would be able to sleep at night again. WRONG I was. I can't fall asleep, thought of her are filling my head and I wish I could have just told her, out there on the couch that I loved her too. That I should have stopped her, that it was my fault, that I wish I could hold on to her for the rest of my life. I wanted her to know how I felt, actually I needed her to know how I felt. It would be the only thing that would allow me to fall asleep.

Writer's POV:

Both Alex and Marissa were in bed, unable to sleep. All they could do was think about one another. Alex continued to curse herself over the fact that she once again walked away from Marissa. She actually started to cry, Alex Kelly, the girl who everyone thought was tough, started to cry. She was upset at herself for walking away again. Marissa continued to looks up at the ceiling while thinking that she should have stopped Alex from simply walking away again. Marissa finally sat up in bed and looked around for her cell phone. She remembered that she left it out on the kitchen counter. Marissa got out of bed and quietly walked out to the kitchen. It was pitch dark in the kitchen and she couldn't see anything. When she finally found her phone she had only stubbed her toes twice.

Marissa Cooper walked back to her room. She remember that Alex said she would leave her door open a bit. She decided she would peer in and see the beauty sleep for a few minutes. Marissa put her phone down in her own room and tip toed to Alex's door. She rested her head against the door frame.

Wait, what was this she was hearing. Was Alex crying? Why would Alex be crying? Did she make a mistake, did she not really love me? Oh gosh, what if that is what it is. Should I sit with her and ask her what is wrong? She might think I am pressuring her though. Whatever, the girl I love it crying, I have to do something.

I pushed her door open and I heard her turn towards me.

"Is everything okay?" I asked quietly as I walked towards her.

"Yeah, everything is fine. Why would something be wrong?' She said trying to hide the fact that she was just crying.

"Well, I heard you crying. I wanted to come and see if there was anything wrong…" Marissa said as she sat down on the side of Alex's bed.

"Everything is fine…"

"Don't lie to me Alex. We told each other we were going to be truthful…"

Alex sat up in bed and looked at Marissa. The street light was the only light and it was amazing lighting for the moment.

Marissa put her hand up to Alex's face and rested it on her cheek. Alex closed her eyes and leaned her head into it. A tear rolled down Alex's face. Marissa wiped it away with her thumb.

"There is no reason to cry…" Marissa said quietly. "Please don't cry Alex."

Alex looked up at Marissa, she had the look of desperation in her eyes. "Please don't leave, I don't want you to go…"

"I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."

"No, I mean forever. Please don't leave, don't—" Just then Marissa leaned and seized Alex's lips with her own. The kiss was soft and sweet. It was something they both needed. Alex put her hand on the back of Marissa neck as the two deepened the kiss.

When the two girls finally broke the kiss tears were streaming down Alex's face.

"What's the matter?" Marissa inquired.

"Nothing, nothing is the matter. Everything is really good right now…" She said happily with and she smiled at me. "Stay here, with me tonight."

"I don't know if I am ready for that. Don't you think that is moving too fast?"

"I meant to just sleep. So I know this is real, and that you are here. That this isn't just a dream."

"That would be good." Marissa stood up and walked around to the other side of the bed. She laid down next to Alex and rolled over on her side so she could look at Marissa. "I've missed this, so much, the two of us, laying in bed together."

"Me too…"

"One of the biggest things that I missed about you, was you holding me at night. After a long day I knew I could always count on you to hold to me when you came home after work."

"I have missed holding on to you more than you can imagine. Most nights I will clutch on to a pillow and dream that it is you that I am holding on too." Alex put an arm across Marissa's waist, showing her that she was there to hold on to her. "I'm not going to let go again…"

When Alex said this it meant so much more than not holding to Marissa on the night. It meant that she wasn't about to walk away, or leave, again. Marissa knew that Alex wanted her here and she was happy that she was there with her. She knew that in just a few days she would have to go back to Newport, but for how long. Marissa didn't know how much longer she could stay there. She needed Alex, she needed to be with her, all the time.

Alex looked at Marissa as Marissa stared up at the ceiling. She wasn't about to interrupt the brunette's trance. When Marissa looked over at Alex she kissed her lightly on the lips and rolled over, so Alex was spooning Marissa, while one of Alex's arms was around Marissa's waist and the two girls were holding hands. Solidifying that neither of them was about to go anywhere, anytime soon.

That night the two girls fell asleep in each other's arms. Both girls felt the safest that had in a long time. Alex and Marissa filled the hole's in one another's hearts. As the two girls laid in bed together holding on to each other they received the best sleep they had had in the last eight months. It was like old times when they fell asleep together. Nothing could disrupt the peace that came over them for the next ten hours.


	7. Good Morning

Part Seven:

The next morning Marissa was the first to wake up. She rolled over to see Alex soundly asleep. Marissa didn't want to wake the beautiful blond so she watched her sleep for a few minutes before gently kissing her on the cheek as she quietly got out of bed.

"Now where the hell do you think you are going?" The blond said as Marissa stood up and stretched.

"I thought you were still sleeping..."

"Wrong, I was awake, but had my eyes shut, I watched you sleep for a little bit until I felt you moving when you woke up. I shut my eyes and pretended to sleep, as you admired me." Alex said as Marissa came back into bed. "Then you kissed me on the cheek and got up. I couldn't let you go anywhere..."

"I was going to start some coffee..."

"I don't have a coffee pot. Here in Boston I go to a place called Dunkin Donuts, it has some of the best coffee ever..."

"Hey, they have those in California, but I don't remember their coffee being any good."

"Well, it is quite amazing here. So you and I can walk down the street in a few minutes and get some, but in the mean time, I want to talk about last night, and what happened, when I told you—"

"Don't worry about it, it is okay..."

"Marissa, we need to talk about all of this, this is why you came out here... remember? We can't just pretend everything is okay, because for nine months we didn't talk to each other or see each other, nothing. When I left, I left everything open we never really ended it all, I just walked away. I don't know how many times I can tell you I'm sorry, or how many times it will take before you forgive me, but I am sorry. I am so —"

Just then Marissa seized Alex's lips with her own. "You weren't the only one who left things open. In a way I walked away as well, because I let you walk away. I don't want to pretend that nothing happened, because that isn't fair to either of us. I want you to know that I am sorry too, and by the way, you are forgiven." Marissa said as her lips captured Alex's once again. This time both girls deepened the kiss. When the two girls lip's broke apart they looked into each other eyes before hugging each other. "I've missed you so much Alex Kelly, and to tell you the truth, I never want to leave your side again."

"Marissa Cooper, I've missed you more than you will ever imagine. There was not a day that went by when I didn't think about you, and didn't think about calling you... I don't want you ever to leave."

"Before I start to cry or something, can we go get some coffee?" Marissa said quietly into Alex's ear.

Alex broke away from the hug and looked at Marissa; in Alex's eyes were unshed tears. "Yes, let's go..."

The two girls made the three block walk to the nearest Dunkin Donuts. The each got their morning coffee and decided to walk around Boston Commons for a little bit.

"Boston is beautiful, I can't believe I've never been here before. I know I've been used to the warm Cali weather, but here it is nice. It is cold outside, and it snows here. It is actual weather, actual seasons."

"Yeah, it is pretty cool here. I do enjoy the different weather and different seasons. I had never been here before until I got the job offer. It was a change of scene so I had said sure. I love walking along the Charles on a sunny day. It amazing when the leaves are changing colors."

"I have a question…?"

"Okay, ask…" Alex wasn't sure what she was about to ask her.

"When you were packing up my stuff, why did you end up keeping the CBGB shirt, I know that it was yours and all, but I thought because you had said I could have it and –"

"I needed something of yours to hold on to. I kept a few pictures too. I don't know what happened to them. I think they got lost in the process of me moving. But the shirt I could hold on to, and it smelt like you. At night I would hold on to it as I slept, figuring I was holding on to you. Everyone now and then I will wear it when I miss you more than anything to feel even extra close to you. I wore it just the other day, it was the only clean shirt I had and at the time I needed to feel close to you… I know that sounds completely stupid, but…"

"No, it really isn't stupid. After I noticed you didn't include the shirt I went out and bought one. I love that shirt so much. Not to mention it fits me perfectly, but I too feel closer to you when I wear it…"

"I know you just got here and everything but I need to talk to you about something…"

"Umm…okay…" Marissa replied slightly afraid.

"I got a job offer for the summer, to work at Nat's new club up on a beach in New Hampshire. I know things are still early on with us right now and everything but I wanted to talk to you before I decided to take it. And since this little trip of your isn't going to be the end of our relationship… I thought I should let you know and let you have your say in it…"

"Just one thing that I can't get over… there is beaches in New Hampshire…?"

"I said the same thing. But Nat took me up there the other night, it looks pretty cool, well everything is closed up right now because it is the winter, but I guess in the summer it is a pretty popular place. The club he just bought there is huge and I guess it has been around forever, it just needs to be livened up."

"You should take the job. It sounds like a lot of fun…"

"I was wondering if you would come with me… after you graduate in the spring. We can rent a place for the summer and try again. It would be a familiar scene that I know we both enjoyed once before. We'd have to make some friends, but there is probably a local kid or two that would show us around."

"You want me to come with you? But you'd be working all the time, what would I be doing…?"

"I told Nat how I needed to talk to you and he said that if you were willing… you could um… manage the club with me…"

"You and I, together, working, living together, for the summer… at a beach, in New Hampshire… I don't know how I could say no to that… Of course I'd go with you."

"Come on, let's head back to my place. It is getting really cold."

"Okay…"

The two girls walked back to Alex's place, they didn't hold hands but they were walking extremely close to each other. Alex felt like grasping her hand and lightly squeezing it to prove to herself that all this was real and she wasn't dreaming. Alex and Marissa got back to her place and immediately went to Alex's room and both laid down on her queen size bed. Alex couldn't help but look at Marissa. She could admire the brunette beauty for hours without ever getting bored. Alex ran her hand through Marissa hair putting a few strands behind her hair. The two girls smiled at each other sheepishly. Alex kissed her own index finger and then placed it on Marissa's lips.

Marissa's eyes met Alex's once again and she blushed slightly. Both girls knew that things were getting better, well they were better, but they knew as time went on the two of them could only go up. Marissa moved closer to Alex and put her arm around Alex's waist.

"I'm not going to let you go anywhere this time. I know the coming months won't be easy, but I think you and I can work through. I'm ready to make this work and this time I know there is no turning back."

"I'm not about to walk away. I've been ready for this to work since day one. You know that. I will never turn back this time. We have our future in front of us, and from what I can see of mine, you are right there next to me…"

Both girls smiled at each other. Marissa couldn't get over Alex's gorgeous blue eyes. She knew that she could stare into them for the rest of her life and never get bored. They were the most gorgeous eyes she had ever seen. Marissa leaned in and gently pressed her lips to Alex's neck. Alex moaned quietly, she wasn't expecting the sultry kiss. She removed her lips and then placed them gently on Alex's chin. After removing her lips from Alex's chin and Marissa softly seized Alex's lips.

Alex immediately returned the kiss. Alex's tongue gently begged for entry into Marissa mouth. Marissa gladly accepted and opened her mouth slightly to deepen the kiss. The two girls moved closer together until Marissa was almost on top of Alex. Their legs were entangled and the girls continued to enjoy the kiss. As time went on the kiss kept growing even more passionate. Neither of the two girls wanted to end the kiss.

When they finally did break from the kiss they remained connected by their foreheads. The both smiled widely and their eyes remained closed.

"That was amazing." Alex finally muttered softly.

"Wow…" Was all Marissa could say. She was completely speechless. She had no idea that the subtly kiss would turn into the most romantic kiss she had ever had.

When both girl opened their eyes they stared into each other's for a moment. Alex knew it was her turn to return the favor. She gently placed a kiss on Marissa jaw below her ear. Then another one on Marissa's neck where she heard Marissa moan slightly. Finally she made her way to Marissa's lips.


	8. Love

The two girls lay in bed, after three hours of cuddling kissing and touching, looking at each other with smiles on both their faces.

"Now, I can't remember why I would ever walk away from something as great as that." Alex smiled and lightly kissed Marissa's lips.

"All I know, was that was the most amazing thing I've ever done, with anyone." Marissa said and returned Alex's kiss with one of her own.

"So, how long can you stay for?" Alex asks quietly.

"I have to go back to school on Monday, so gives me about five days here with you. I would have to leave Sunday at some point. I don't want to leave though..."

"I don't want you to leave either. So, when is your next vacation?" Alex was already looking forward to the next time she could see Marissa.

"I have three weeks off for Christmas. Then two weeks off in March, and then I graduate in May."

"Okay... Well, I know I can't get Christmas off, but maybe we can go away in March, and then well, after you graduate you will come here, and the rest of the time we will be together... Wait, am I getting carried away? This seems so fast, I don't want fast, we did fast the last time and it didn't up very well..."

"Alexandra Kelly, please stop... You're getting carried away. This isn't like last time, this is going to work, and we just have to work at it over the upcoming months, because we are going to be away from each other. It won't be that hard, I promise... Right now, let's spend our time together and not thinking about the times when we will be apart." Marissa said as she rolled Alex over so she was now on top of her. "Now, please kiss me..."

"I suppose I could do that..." Alex said as she sat up to connect their lips. Marissa pushed Alex down and deepened the kiss between the two girls. "You know, if you keep kissing me like that I might not let you leave at all, so that would be a terrible thing, because then you'd have to say here, for like ever!"

"You would like that wouldn't you?"

"Ah huh!" Alex said with a huge smile on her face.

"Well, then I might as well kiss you like that again, to see if you are serious..." Marissa said as she closed her eyes and moved in to kiss Alex. Alex moved her head away and laughed. Marissa opened her eyes and looked over at the beautiful blond laughing under her. "What was that all about?"

"Do you really think that I am THAT easy Miss Cooper...? Yeah right. You are going to have to work a little harder."

"Really, okay, well then..." Marissa kissed Alex's neck and sucked lightly on a piece of skin. Then she lightly kissed every inch of her skin from Alex's neck to ear. When she got to her ear she sucked on her earlobe and whispered, "Am I working hard enough?"

All Alex could do was moan lightly and Marissa continued, she finally made her way to Alex's lips. The moment their lips connected Marissa's cell phone started to ring. She jumped right up and went to find it.

"Umm, what exactly are you doing?" Alex exclaimed as she sat up in bed.

"My phone is ringing, I should probably answer it." Marissa said from the living room. "One second Alex, it is Summer." Marissa said as she answered the phone. "Hey Sum, what's up?"

"Where the hell are you? I'm in your room right now and you aren't here... You better get here quickly. Cohen and I are fighting, Arghhhh, he is such and ass sometimes."

"Sum, calm down. I won't be home until Sunday sometime..."

"What do you mean you won't be home until Sunday? That is absurd! Get here right now, this is an emergency. I am about to go into 'Rage Blackout Mode,' I am vibrating at a VERY low frequency. This isn't good I need you like now!"

"Summer, I am in Massachusetts right now?"

"Oh, isn't that the new restaurant in San Diego you were telling me about?"

"No, Sum, it is the state, you know the one on the east coast, where I've been looking at for schools and umm, where Alex lives, and the place with all the history."

"Oh okay, cool, schools, Alex, and history... Wait, what the hell? Did you just say Alex, as in Alex, feisty, young blond, dated both you and Cohen, purple streak, butterfly tattoo, you broke her heart, that Alex...?"

"Yes, that Alex..."

"Wait, are you with her now? Are you two back together?"

"Yes and yes...It is sort of hard to explain everything that happened, but when I get back to Newport on Sunday I will tell you everything... well that is if Alex let's me come back..."

"Eww, I don't want to know about that part. Umm, well I'll let you go... I need to go find someone to tell my problems too... I think the step monster is passed out on Valium downstairs, I'll tell her..."

"Okay, sorry I'm not there. I'll talk to you soon."

"Yea, bye Coop."

"Bye Sum." Marissa said as she hung up the phone.

"Okay, so what the hell was that all about?" Alex said as she stood in the doorway with a pair of boy shorts and cami on.

"Summer called. She is having problems with Cohen...again. Why did you get dressed?"

"Umm, well you teased me and then let to take a phone call. So I decided you weren't working hard enough. Plus, I sort of want to go by the club tonight. So you can see it and all and then tomorrow it Thanksgiving, I wasn't going to do anything, but I suppose you and I could maybe go out..."

"Sure, I hadn't even thought about it. Yea, dinner sounds good. Anyone good playing at the club tonight?"

"Yea actually... umm... Rachael Yamagata...Have you ever heard of her?"

Marissa didn't say anything and just stared at Alex blankly. "You're kidding right? Rachael Yamagata, as in the one who played when I came in that night after our semi-fight..."

"Yes, that Rachael Yamagata. You don't mind do you?"

"No, of course not. I love her music. It is pretty much amazing."

"Yes, it definitely is. She was the first person I booked when I moved out here. I had to have her come and perform, she is amazing and it is a shame she isn't that big, she should be!"

"You're amazing, you know that right?"

"No, but if you keep telling me that I might have to start and actually believe you." Alex laughed.

"Do you remember that time back in February, when I came over the morning when I told my mother about us…?"

"Yes…it was the last time we made love…" Alex said as she looked at the ground.

"Oh, I wasn't talking about that… Remember when Cohen came over for some money and I came out of the room in your robe?"

"Yes, I remember…" Alex was slightly confused at what Marissa was trying to get at.

"Well, I took that robe, I actually brought it with me…"

"I was wondering what ever happened to it. I love that robe! But do you want to know what I love even more?"

Marissa wasn't sure she was quite ready to talk about this yet. "Umm, what do you love more…?"

"You…in it." Marissa was relieved when Alex added on the 'in it' part. Sure Marissa loved Alex, but she wasn't ready to be that committed. They had been together for two days, it was too soon. Alex saw the look on Marissa's face and scared she was thinking about something else. Yes, Alex loved Marissa, Alex loved Marissa with every part of her, but telling her that, well it was just too soon to talk about love, it was a forbidden subject as of right now.

Marissa smiled at Alex with her beautiful, Alex smiled back and leaned forward and kissed Marissa on the cheek.

"Go get dressed, and then we can go out for the day. I was thinking we could go shopping on Newbury St."

"What is that?"

"It is Boston's Rodeo Dr. You will enjoy it I promise. I want to get you something anything. When we were going out before I never had any money, but Nat is paying me a lot more now."

"I was wondering how you could afford an apartment like this."

"Oh this, it was actually belongs to my family. My brother went to school here in Boston, and they said I could live here when I told them about the job out here."

"You have a brother?" Marissa questioned.

"Yes, three actually and two sisters. I am the youngest of six. My oldest sister, Monica, is going to be 33 in December. She lives in New York."

"Wow, I never knew any of this before…"

"I never really tell anybody…"

"Do you ever see your family?"

"My parents no, but my sister Monica and I get together once a month. And the rest of my siblings are all over, my brother Andy is in Kenya on Mission's work, my brother Jared is in Chicago at school, my other brother, Mark is a writer in London. My other sister, Heather is in DC, she is opening up a boutique there with a friend in April."

"Wow, I really had no idea you had such a big family. I just have a younger sister, who I haven't seen or talked to in about two years."

"What, why?"

"I'm not sure. My mother shipped her off to boarding school when my parents were getting divorced. We were never really close before... I have no idea how she is."

"Maybe you should try and call her. Just because I don't see or talk to my parents anymore, doesn't mean I am no longer in contact with my siblings. My brother Andy emails me once a week, Jared calls every few weeks, Mark emails and calls, Heady calls every now and then. I write one big email to all of then though once every two weeks. Sometimes I get an email or two back, sometimes I don't." Alex stated.

"Wow, Kaitlin and I we never really clicked. She is just like my mother. I was always more like my father. I think that is why the two of us never really got along so well. She was always off at the stables riding her bald pony, while I was shopping or with Sum. But this is all just speculation, I bet she doesn't even remember me. I would forget me."

"Marissa, she probably thinks about you all the time. If she doesn't think about you, well the, she is really missing out. Because you are amazing. Don't worry about that right now okay. Go get showered and dressed, then you and I can go shopping, and have an amazing time together today. I really think you will enjoy Boston. Maybe tomorrow, you and I can go to Hampton, so I can show you the club. It is so cool, well, from the little bit I saw. it will be so much fun, you and I, together, all summer." Alex smiled.

"I'm going to shower, I'll be out quickly." Marissa said as she kissed Alex lightly and went back in the bedroom.

"Okay, I'll finish getting dressed…" Alex followed behind and entered the bedroom. Marissa got a change of clothes and went into the bathroom to shower. Alex still had the permanent smile that had been on her face since the moment she saw Marissa two days ago. It hadn't gone anywhere and she didn't think it would anytime soon.

About twenty minutes later Marissa came out of the bathroom with a pair of jeans and no top. Her arm was covering her bare chest. "Hey, Al. Do you think I could borrow a shirt, this shirt I planned on wearing got wet. I dropped it on the floor next to the shower."

Alex turned around and saw Marissa. She was taken aback, she couldn't say anything. She continued to just stare at Marissa.

"Alex, do you have a shirt I can borrow." Marissa asked again. "Are you okay?"

Alex took a breath. "Yea, no, yes I'm good. Umm, here is a shirt." Alex said as she walked over to her closet and took a shirt from the open drawer in front of her.

"Thanks." Marissa said as she smiled slyly at Alex. She walked back into the bathroom after receiving the shirt.

"Oh, my god. She loves teasing me like that…" Alex said as she sat down on the couch in the living room with a bowl of Lucky Charms a few minutes later.


	9. Not Yet At Least

Later that afternoon the girls were walking down Newbury St. examining the shops that lined the streets. They held hands and stole glances at each other every few seconds. Neither knew how to hide their excitement about being back together.

"I was thinking about going back to my natural hair color." Alex said breaking the silence.

"Huh, what?" Marissa asked unsure of Alex's last statement.

"I want to go back to my natural hair color…"

"Which is?"

"Dark brown, I miss it. I haven't had it for at least three years now. Things are changing and I want to change my hair color as well."

"Okay… I can picture you as a brunette. I think you would look really good. It would go good with her skin."

"Yeah. I just thought I should tell you. I didn't want you to go back home and then when I saw you next I looked drastically different."

"Hey, Chanel, can we go in here?" Marissa asked.

"Sure, do you want anything; you haven't let me get you anything. I want to get you something Ris."

"Al, all I want is you. You don't have to buy me, I am all yours."

"I just want to get you something; I was never able to before. I never had any money, now I do and I want you to know that I want you here with me. Please, let me just get you something."

Marissa leaned in to Alex and whispered in her ear, "No, Alex." She backed up and looked as Alex as she said, "You have gotten me enough. Dinner last night, everything I have eaten since I've gotten here two days ago. Not to mention I am staying with you, in your apartment, sleeping in your bed…"

"Fine. We should probably head over to the club soon. It is 7 and the show starts in an hour. I still want to grab something for dinner, it is on me."

"Why do you insist that you pay for everything? I am not with you because of money; it has never had to do with money. I don't want you to think you have to buy my affection or love, because you don't."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I just finally have money of my own that I can use when ever I want to and I don't have to worry about."

"Hey, don't worry about it. Let's go to the club and we can grab something to eat there and maybe later I can make you dinner."

"Marissa Cooper can cook?"

"Yeah, but shh… don't tell anyone, because then I will be making meals for them. You're the only one I want to cook for."

Alex smiled as they left the store and got into a cab. It took them thirty minutes to get to the other side of the city to where the club was. They cuddled in the back of the cab and couldn't keep their eyes off of each other. The cabbie could tell that the two young girls were in love. When they got to the club there was a line down the street to get into the show.

"Good thing we got here. It looks like it is going to be packed tonight." Alex said as they walked to the front door and she talked to the bouncer. "Hey CJ, how's it going?"

"Good Alex. I thought you weren't working tonight." The bouncer replied.

"I'm not; Rachael Yamagata is one of my favorites though, so I thought I would come catch the show."

"Cool, so who is your friend?" He asked.

"This is my… Fri—I mean girlfriend, Marissa. She is visiting from California for the week." Alex said as she looked and Marissa with a huge smile on her face.

"Hi, Marissa. I'm CJ, I'm the head bouncer here at the Wharf."

"Hi CJ. Nice to meet you."

"Likewise. I'll you two later. Have fun in there. The show is supposed to be amazing tonight!"

"Thank CJ. Make sure you don't let too many weirdoes into my club tonight." Alex said as CJ let the two girls into the club.

"So this is it? Boston's Bait Shop." Marissa said as she looked at the club.

"Yep… this is it."

Alex brought Marissa to her office. "So, this is my favorite part of the club. My own space, where I can lock the door…" Alex said as she locked the door behind her. "I can do whatever I want to in here…" She continued to speak as she put her arm around Marissa's waist and pulled her close. She whispered in her ear, "What do you feeling like doing?"

Marissa leaned her head into Alex's neck and started by kissing her collarbone. She worked her way up to Alex's neck and continued kissing her until her mouth reached Alex's mouth. She teased her a bit before actually kissing her. They both smiled and finally their lips met. At first it was slow and sensual, but after a little while both the girls really got into it. When the kiss ended both girls were gasping to catch their breaths. They looked at each other and continued to smile, at times they figured it was the only thing one another knew how to do.

"Wow… so do you do this with other people in here?" Marissa asked slyly.

"You're the only one and it is going to stay that way, so you don't have to worry." Alex said softly into Marissa's ear. "Come on we should go watch the show. It is about to start. I don't want to miss any of it."

"Okay…" Marissa said as Alex took her hand and guided her to the main floor of the club. Marissa saw just how big the place was. It was huge compared to the Bait Shop. She started to wonder how big the new place in Hampton was going to be if Alex thought that place was huge. She looked around and took everything in, this was going to be her life soon. She was going to be apart of this new life with Alex Kelley, the love of her life. The only person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Marissa decided on the plane that before she went back to Newport she was going to tell Alex that she loved her. Now all she was waiting for was the right time. There had been so many times she almost said it, but refrained from actually vocalizing her thoughts. She was afraid that Alex would think it was too fast. She looked over at Alex who was now getting them drinks at the bar. She was behind the bar and she looked like she belonged there. She had a huge smile on her face and was talking with the bartender, a tall young looking guy. Probably a student in the city. The two looked as though they were joking around with each other. Marissa felt a small pang of jealousy at seeing Alex with this other guy. She knew it was nothing, but for the first time she felt jealous towards Alex.

She walked over to the bar where Alex was talking to the bartender. "…is great. You have to meet her, oh look here she is now. Hey babe, I was just telling Tim here about you."

"Hi, I'm Tim. It is good to finally put a face to the name Alex is always talking about." He said as he extended her hand towards Marissa.

"Marissa, oh gosh… half the bad stuff she says isn't true." Marissa joked. What, she always talks about me? What is this, well we do need to continue talking about everything. But whatever she was probably all the bad stuff, like how I let her walk away and how I wasn't a good girlfriend, how I ignored her…Marissa continued to think about all the bad stuff Alex might've said in the past about her and their relationship.

"Oh, none of it was bad, at all. Alex speaks very highly of you." Tim announced. "You're pretty lucky to have a girl like Alex, who loves you so much." Marissa immediately looked over at the young blond next to her, who's face was completely white now. Neither of the girls knew exactly what to say. Tim got the hint and realized he said something he shouldn't have.

"Umm… Alex, I think I left my sweater in your office. Can you please come with me to get it." Marissa asked quietly looking away from Alex. She wasn't upset but she wasn't happy either. She was confused, very confused.

"Ahh, yes. We can go do that, now…" Alex looked at Tim angrily. She knew he would say something like that, he always said stuff like that.

They got to Alex's office and Marissa closed the door the moment both of them were in there. "What is that guy talking about…?" Marissa said slowly.

"I don't know. He says stuff sometimes that isn't always the truth…"

"Oh, so you don't love me then?" Marissa said slowly and quietly.

"Right… wait no, yes, no… I love you." Alex finally announced as she continued to confuse herself. Yes she loved Marissa, but she didn't want Tim to be the one to tell Marissa that. Marissa quickly pulled her close and kissed her passionately on the lips to let her know that she reciprocates the feelings. "I hope that was a good kiss…" Alex said quietly as the kiss broke.

"I love you too." Marissa smiled brightly at Alex.

The two girls just continued to look into each other's eyes. They didn't speak, they didn't need to, their smiles did all the talking. The held each other and exchanged small kisses.

"Hey, the show has started, we should probably go watch…" Alex said softly as Marissa nuzzled her neck.

"Mmm, okay. Let's go." Marissa took Alex by the hand as they left the office. Marissa guided Alex to the front of the stage where Rachael Yamagata was singing her new song, "Jesus Was a Crossmaker."

_Sweet silver angels over the sea_

_Please come down flying low for me_

_One time I trusted a stranger  
'cause I heard his sweet song  
And it was gently enticing me  
though there was something wrong  
When I turned he was gone_

_Blinding me his song remains reminding me  
he's a bandit and a heartbreaker  
Oh but Jesus was a crossmaker_

Alex and Marissa held hands as they listened to the smooth, sultry voice of Rachael Yamagata, fill the room. The music was amazing, the two girls could not have asked for a better show that night, everything was going perfect for them.

The next morning both the girls were lying in bed. Marissa was cuddled up to Alex's side and had her arm around Alex's waist.

"So what are we going to do today?" Marissa asked as she tucked a few strands of loose hair behind Alex's ear.

"Well, we talked about going to New Hampshire to check out the new club. If you want to do something else we can. It is up to you."

"Oh yea. I forgot, no I like the idea of going to New Hampshire. It is supposed to be a very nice day today. The Weather Channel website said high 50s."

"The Weather Channel website? Who are you, Al Roker?" Alex joked.

"I didn't know what kind of weather you had here so I looked up the ten day forecast before I left, so I would have some sort of idea what to pack. But that still didn't really work seeing as I brought about half my closet."

"You're so adorable. Wait, those suitcases are only half your closet, oh dear god. So yea, today would be a fun day to drive up to the beach."

"Yeah… I'm going to shower, is that okay?"

"Yeah, that is fine. I'll shower after you. Do you want anything, I'll go to Dunkin Donuts while you're in the shower?"

"I'll have a caramel swirl latte with skim milk and three sugars."

"Okay, I'll be back in a few." Alex said as she jumped out of bed and threw on the same clothes from last night.

"Wait, you're leaving me all alone in bed…" Marissa joked.

"You just said you were going to shower. I'll be gone like ten minutes, not even. I'll be back soon. Hang in there babe." Alex said as she sat on the bed next to Marissa. She kissed her forehead as she got up and left to get their coffees.

Marissa stayed in bed for another thirty second before she went to the bathroom to take a shower. After last night she just needed to make sure everything was real. Things with Alex were perfect right now and the last thing she wanted was to find out that everything over the past few days was just a dream. On her way to the bathroom she saw a picture frame turned upside down on the shelf. She picked it up and noticed a picture of Marissa smiling off to the side. On top of the frame was the word 'love,' Marissa picked it up and put it back upright. She smiled as she entered the bathroom.

Alex arrived back to her apartment fifteen minutes later, Marissa was still in the shower. "Hey Ris. I'm back." Alex said as she stuck her head in the bathroom.

"Okay, I'll be out in a few minutes Al." Marissa replied.

"Okay." Alex walked into her room and put the coffees down on the shelf next to the bathroom door as she took off her shoes. She saw the photo of Marissa standing upright and smiled to herself slightly. Everything was going great with Marissa, though it was only a few days into their new relationship, it was so much different than before. They weren't rushing this time, there was nothing to prove to anyone this time around. They could talk the relationship at their own pace and not worry about anything that might be in their way. She took their coffees out to the kitchen and put them on the counter. She took out two cereal bowls and started to set the table. After about ten minutes Marissa made her way out of the bedroom with a pair of tight jeans and a fitted long sleeve shirt. She looked amazing. "It is easy for you, isn't it?"

"What is easy for me?" Marissa asked, having no idea what Alex was talking about.

"Looking gorgeous all the time, you just put on clothes and wow, I'm speechless…" Alex admitted as she walked towards Marissa. "Well, even without clothes you look gorgeous, but I think you know what I mean."

"Me, are you kidding me Alex. I look like crap right now. I had no idea what to wear. Jeans and a fitted tee, seemed good. You on the other hand look amazing, morning, noon, and night. Everything about you is gorgeous Miss Kelly. Don't ever forget that." Marissa said as she put her arms around Alex's neck and leaned in to kiss her girlfriend.

Alex continued to move in until their lips were connected. They shared a passionate kiss and when it ended they looked at each other as Alex pecked Marissa lightly twice on the lips. "You're amazing, don't forget…" She said softly into Marissa ear.

The girls ate breakfast side by side while they stole short and sweet glances at each other every few seconds. They were both smiling brightly and if someone was looking on they could tell the two girls were very much in love. After breakfast Alex showered and by 12:30 the two girls were on the road, heading to New Hampshire. It was Thanksgiving Day so there was a close to no traffic on 95. It took them about an hour and fifteen minutes to get to the beach.

At Hampton Beach, New Hampshire it was sunny and cool. The weather was in the fifties and the beach was close to empty. 98 of the shops and restaurants were boarded up for the winter months. It sort of looked dead, Alex hadn't really been able to see all of Hampton before because it was dark, but now she understood more of what Nat said. After the strip the beach was calm, small hotels, houses, and even fine dining. Alex and Marissa parked their car at the opposite end of the beach, about a mile and a half from the new club. They figured they could walk to the new place. When the ocean became beach they decided to walk along the sand, the beach was deserted, well almost. There was a young girl, about the same age at Marissa and Alex sitting on the rocks listening to an iPod. Every few minutes the girl looked up from the notebook in front of her and stared out into the ocean.

"Hey, we should go talk to her. She probably is a local." Alex spoke up. "We could ask her about the beach."

"Hey, that is a good idea." Marissa added as the walked up the young girl on the rocks.

"Hi…" Alex spoke first, the young girl turned to them and took her headphones off.

"Can I help you two?" She asked quickly.

"I think so, I'm Alex and this is my girlfriend Marissa. I manage a club in Boston, called the Wharf and the owner just bought the Casino here. The two of us are planning on managing it next summer."

" I'm Audrey, I go the shows there a lot, my dad has a skybox."

"So you live around here I take it?" Marissa asked.

"Yea, do you see the house right over there with the yellow awning? That is where I lay my head at night." She pointed over toward where the two girls parked Alex's Jeep.

"Cool, we actually parked over there."

"So is there anything else you wanted to know?"

"Well, we just wanted to get acquainted, chances are we will be seeing you this summer." Alex replied. "What is the beach like in the summer time?"

"Crazy, tourists everywhere, it is quite annoying. They come from Massachusetts, Connecticut, Canada, Maine, New York, all over really. My father owns a lot of property here at the beach so I'm used to meeting new friends on a weekly basis."

"So what do teens do for fun around here?"

"Party. A lot. There really isn't much else, there is a small movie theatre in town. There is a mall about twenty minutes away and same with the outlet stores. I go away a lot actually. I have friends who live in New York City, so I go there twice a month. In the summer however, there is a lot more. Arcades, concerts, parties, stupid tourists, water slides, Water Country, the beach, surfing, shopping, tanning… the list goes on."

"What kind of music do you listen to? I'm trying to get a list of prospective artists for this summer."

"Acoustic stuff, indie rock, alternative… let's see what bands, Death Cab, Modest Mouse, Rise Against, Reel Big Fish, Rachael Yamagata, Imogen Heap, Iron and Wine, Ozomatli, Snow Patrol, James Blunt, Brand New, AFI, Damien Rice… the list goes on forever, Blind Melon, Daft Punk, Nada Surf, Dios Malos, The Walkmen, Rooney, Bell X1, Rogue Wave, Of Montreal, October Falls, Early November… like I said I could go on forever."

"Wow, that is some good stuff, you should think about coming down the Wharf sometime, a lot of those bands are set to play there this winter. Rachael Yamagata was there last night and Imogen Heap is playing there in a week."

"Oh I was supposed to go to Rachael Yamagata last night, my mom did want me to go because family was coming in for the holiday, but the holiday is boring anyways…"

"You missed an amazing show." Marissa spoke up.

"Yeah, I bet."

The three girls continued talking for forty five minutes until Audrey's phone rang. "Hang on a second, I need to take this, it is my friend Marina." She said to the two girls. "Hey Marina…not much, how are you?...I'm down on the beach right now… I'm talking to these two girls who are going to manage the Casino this summer… okay. I'll meet you there around 8:30… No, they won't even notice that I left… yeah, I'll ask them… okay I'll call you back in a little bit… yep…bye M." Audrey hung up the phone and turned to Marissa and Alex. "Sorry about that, that was my friend Marina. We're going to a party at her café tonight. Do you want to join us?"

"We don't have any place to stay, thank you though." Alex replied.

"You can stay at my dad's hotel… he's away with his girlfriend. I can let you in a room and everything. Normally I would say you could stay at my place, but since it is the holiday all the family is here."

Marissa and Alex looked at each other. They smiled and decided silently. "Sure we'll go. And if it really isn't a problem, we'd love to stay at you dad's place." Alex responded aloud after the girls decided they would join in on tonight festivities.

"Yeah, we can head over there now if you want?"

"Sure…" As Alex said this Audrey stood up and they all walked back across the street to the Atlantic, one of Audrey's father's nicest properties.

Audrey showed the two to a third floor oceanfront room. "Everything you should need is here. I should probably go, Turkey Day dinner is in a little bit."

"Okay, thanks again for everything."

"No problem. I'll come by around 8ish to pick you two up. I'll see you then." Audrey said as she made her way to the door to leave.

"Sounds good. We'll see you then." Alex added. "Bye Audrey."

"Bye." The young girl left and Marissa and Alex stood next to each other.

"Wow, she was really nice Alex. I'm really looked forward to next summer now. Well, not that I wasn't before, but now we have a friend here who is willing to show us around."

"Yeah, she is. What kind of party do you think it is tonight?" Alex replied.

"No idea, probably some high school kegger."

"I doubt it, she seems a little too mature for a high school party. Plus she said it was her friend's café."

"Well, what ever it is, hopefully it will be fun and we can meet some more people, so it should be a good time." Marissa added as the two turned to each other and Marissa put her arms around Alex's neck.

"Well, we still haven't made it down to the club yet. Do you want to head down there now. I think I saw at least one restaurant that looked open when we drove by." Alex said as Marissa placed light kisses on Alex's neck.

"Yeah, we could, or we could stay here for a little while… All alone, with no distractions. Just you and I having an amazing time, together." Marissa said seductively as her eyes met with Alex's. Both girls had huge smiles on their faces as Alex moved closer to Marissa and begun to nuzzle her neck and lightly suck on a piece of skin.

"I say we stay here for a little while, we could sleep, it has been a long day. I think we should stay in bed, have a little fun, just the two of us." Alex suggested as she fell back onto one of the double beds in the room.

"Sounds very good to me Miss Kelly." Marissa responded as she fell on top of Alex and began kissing her neck, slowly making her way to Alex's lips. The two girls smiled and laughed as they enjoyed each other's company tremendously. "Do you want to know something?" Marissa whispered into Alex's ear.

"A secret? I like secrets. Everybody has a few." Alex responded as she leaned up and kissed Marissa lightly.

"It isn't really a secret, because I would shout it for the world to hear if I could, but right now, I just want to tell you, in your ear quietly."

"Really now. What is it you want to tell me?"

Marissa leaned into Alex and kissed her neck softly. She brushed her lips over Alex's cheek and sucked on her ear for a moment. "I love you Alexandra Spencer Kelly." Marissa quietly spoke into Alex's ear. Alex smiled brightly and moved her head to kiss Marissa's lips. She kissed Marissa passionately and both girls worked to deepen the kiss. Alex was the first to pull away, she looked longingly into Marissa's eyes.

"I love you too Marissa Ashley Cooper." Alex said as their eyes were locked on each other. Marissa leaned in to kiss Alex again, the two shared another passionate kiss. They knew that they needed each other. They needed the fell of each other's naked skin on each other. They longed for the feelings of passion they had once shared many times before. Marissa moved her hand down to Alex's side and pushed her shirt up as she put her hand up Alex's shirt. Alex closed her eyes and laid back and Marissa rubbed her hand over Alex's breasts. Marissa's touch was so soft and when she rubbed her thumb over Alex's nipple, Alex moaned softly. Marissa just smiled. When Marissa's hand had past Alex's breasts, she had Alex sit up so she could remove her shirt. "Are you sure you want to do this? I know we said we'd take it slow…I don't want to make you feel rushed into anything." Alex spoke.

"I'm so beyond ready for this. If you want me to stop I will…" Marissa said softly, Alex could hear the want and need in Marissa's voice to continue, Alex needed Marissa as much as Marissa need her, but she just wasn't ready to take their relationship to that level, not right now at least.


	10. Why?

I'm sorry Marissa, I really am… but I don't think I'm ready, not right now, not here at least. I love you so much Marissa Cooper and I wasn't you so badly, but right now I'm not ready for this…" Alex said it softly and couldn't look in Marissa's eyes; she avoided her beautiful eyes as much as possible. When their eyes did meet they noticed that each one of each other's was filled with complete sadness. "Come here Marissa." Alex said softly and Marissa leaned down. Alex put her hand behind Marissa's neck and kissed her, Alex kissed her so hard, but she wasn't completely ready for everything. When the kiss broke their foreheads remained connected and their eyes remained closed. Alex whispered two barely audible works. "I'm sorry."

"We should probably go see the club now." Marissa said quietly. She got up off the bed and sat down on the other double bed in the room. Marissa wasn't sure why Alex just denied her. She was hurt now... Alex remained laying in bed with a dejected look upon her face. She felt bad, really bad. As much as Alex loved Marissa she didn't want this now, well she did want it, but not at that moment. She had something planned for Saturday and she wanted to hold back as much as she could until then. The holding back was starting to get harder, Alex needed to feel Marissa, she needed to hold her and kiss her. She needed Marissa. Alex sat up and saw Marissa sitting on the other bed with her head in her hands. Alex hated doing this, she loved Marissa so much. She got up and went and sat next to Marissa. She took Marissa's hand in her own; she opened Marissa's revealing her palm and lightly kissed it.

"I want you to know that my decision to wait has nothing to do with you. Because I want nothing more than to make love to you and you to me. I love you M. I love you more than anything or anyone in the entire world." Alex took Marissa's hand and put it up to her own face. She let go and Marissa kept it here. "Come here M." Alex said as Marissa moved closer to Alex and looked at her. Alex smiled at her brightly she slowly moved in to kiss Marissa. The two kissed and Alex let Marissa know how much she loved her again. Marissa still was upset about things but she ignored the thoughts as Alex kissed her.

"Come on, let's go Alex. I want to go see the club." Marissa repeated her earlier statement.

"Okay, let go." Alex stood up and walked towards the door. "Do you still want to go out tonight with Audrey and her friend?"

"Yes, I do. It sounds like a lot of fun. It will let us meet some new people…" Marissa added nonchalantly.

The two left the hotel and continued their earlier walk. Alex took Marissa's hand in her own. She lightly squeezed it, hoping for a response but got nothing. Alex weakly smiled. She didn't want to push the subject anymore. She hoped that tonight would help; they were going to have an awesome time she hoped. After walking for ten minutes the two arrived at the Hampton Beach Casino Ballroom. It was located in a strip mall of sorts. Six doors side by side were the main entrance. Alex took the key Nat had given her and opened up the club. She guided Marissa to the main room, a dark, bare open space. There was a rather good sized stage in the front and a long bar in the back. If you looked up above the bar there were fifteen luxury skyboxes, with perfect unobstructed views of the main floor and stage area.

"Wow…" Marissa muttered as she took in her surroundings. "This place is going to be awesome. It is almost twice the size of the Bait Shop. It is huge Al. Wow. This is great." Marissa said this slightly enthused. She was still upset about Alex denying her.

"I'm happy you like it. Yeah it is huge. Hey you, come here…" Alex said as she stood in the middle of the main room with one arm out stretched towards Marissa. The brunette turned towards her and walked back over to Alex. Alex put her arms around Marissa's neck and Marissa let her arms hang at her sides. Alex closed her eyes as she moved in to feel Marissa's lips. It seemed forced at first, but then Marissa gave in and kissed her back. Her side of the kiss was full of upset and hurt and Alex's was full of love and passion. The opposite emotions made the kiss hard and intense. When it ended Marissa just backed up and sat on the stage.

"It is a great place." Marissa said her voice full of sadness.

"Yeah, it is." Alex stared blankly at Marissa, unsure of what had just happened. That kiss was amazing, but she had a feeling Marissa wasn't thinking the same thing. The two didn't speak as they both waited for the other to break the lingering silence. Eventually Marissa got up and walked backstage. She wanted to explore the new club a bit more, without Alex. Marissa just needed to think, about everything, whether she thought is this was a mistake or not. She loved Alex with all her heart; she just wanted to show her. They had done it so many times, when they were together the first time. They never thought twice about doing it. Why the sudden change? What made this time different?

Marissa looked behind her, hoping Alex followed her. She was slightly disappointed when no one was there. Whatever she thought, if Alex didn't want her, she didn't want Alex. She was right though, she didn't want Alex, and she needed her. Alex needed her as well. They needed each other. After walking around backstage for about 15 minutes, Marissa walked back out to the main room. Alex wasn't there. The room was empty; she looked around for the blond. She didn't see her anywhere. She decided to head upstairs in hopes to find her. She walked up the stairs and announced her presence when she got to the top.

"Alex, are you up here?" She asked aloud.

"Yeah, I'm in one of the boxes, number nine I think." Alex replied, her voice distant.

"Okay." Marissa walked down the wide hallway, looking into the boxes in hopes of finding Alex. She came to number nine and Alex was sitting in a chair looking out at the stage. "Hey, I didn't know here you went. I got nervous."

"I bet." Alex relied quickly. Marissa stepped back as she realized the sharp response.

It is too soon for us to fight damn it. Three days into our relationship and we are fighting. Great, just fucking great. Marissa thought to herself. She sat down next to Alex and stared out at the stage. "I'm getting hungry, do you want to get lunch. We could walk a few more blocks and find something."

"Sure, I'm starving. Yeah, hopefully we will find something. We'd be out of luck if everything was closed."

"That's for sure." The two walked back out to the street and another six blocks before they found an open restaurant. It was a rather big place, for levels of dining. They were immediately seated by the bartender name Cara. She showed them to a cozy corner booth on the main level. The two girls sat quietly as they looked over the menu. Cara came back with their drinks and told them a little about the specials. The girls ordered and remained silent. Marissa was upset at Alex for rejecting her, but Alex was upset at Marissa for being upset. They were being very childish. Alex finally broke the wall between them. "Why the hell are you so upset at me? I can't take this…" Alex exclaimed in defeat.

"I'm sorry, how would you feel if the person love rejected you. I think you'd be upset too." Marissa quickly replied.

"This is why you are upset. Because I'm not ready to take this to the next level. Marissa, I love you. I want nothing more than to make love to you. Damn it, don't you see how much I love you. Everything I've done for you, said to you, you are everything to me. I'm just not ready yet. I though YOU of all people would respect that." Alex quipped back angrily.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Marissa asked sharply.

"I'm just saying, back when we were first together you were very hesitant. It took you a while to get used adjusted. I thought you might've understood, what it is like, not wanted to rush into things right away. I love you Marissa, I just want to go slow in some areas of our relationship, where I am not completely ready yet…" Alex looked up at Marissa, her eyes full of sadness.

"So now you are using our past as an excuse? Alex if you don't want me, just tell me that. I can handle the truth."

"You obviously can't, seeing as I'm trying to tell you the truth and you think I'm full of shit." Alex argued her point. The food came, interrupting their argument. They ate in silence, when the check cam they split it. They left the restaurant and walked back to the hotel in silence. When they got to the room they collapsed on separate beds. Sleep quickly overtook both of them.

At 8:15 there was a knock on the door that woke the two girls up. Alex was closest to the door so she answered it. It was Audrey. "Hey, did I wake you up? I'm sorry, I'll go." She stated as she covered her mouth with her hand. "I feel bad for waking you."

"No, don't worry about it. We were just napping before you cam to get us. Don't worry." Alex replied. "Marissa, you ready to go?" Alex turned towards the brunette who was fixing her hair.

"Yep, I am. Let's go." Marissa said cheerfully as she walked towards the door. The three girls walked down to Audrey's BMW.

"So Audrey, tell us more about this party. What is it for?" Alex asked.

"Marina has these thinks like twice a month. It is private thing; she usually gets a small band to perform. They're a lot of fun." Audrey relied casually.

"Cool, so she'll have no problem if we come?"

"Nope. She told me to invite you. It'll be fun, I promise, people around here try to get into them all the time. I have an in with the owner."

"How do you know Marina?" Marissa questioned.

"We've been together now for about six months. I was walking past the café one afternoon in early May. I saw her through the window she thought she was the most gorgeous women I had ever seen before. I went in everyday for the next two weeks and I would always be captivated by her beauty. As I was ordering one day she asked me if I wanted to go to her party that night. Of course I said yes, and ever since then we have been together."

"If she owns her own café she is obviously older than you, how old is she?" Marissa questioned Audrey.

"She will be thirty-five in January. She is sixteen years older than me, but that has never been a concern for us." Audrey answered casually as she always did. Alex noticed that she was a very nonchalant person; she didn't seem to worry much about things. Alex envied her for that, she wish she didn't have to worry about anything. As of right now she had to worry about where her relationship with Marissa was going. They had been fighting all afternoon. She was starting to just get upset at her self for being upset.

After about fifteen minutes in the car they pulled up to a large café in Hampton Falls, a very small town next to Hampton Beach. They got out of the car and walked in. The way Audrey walked was simple, she looked like she was floating on her, and Alex could tell that she was a very happy person. When she saw Audrey go up to who she assumed was Marina, Audrey's face lit up.

"Marina, these are my two new friends who I met this morning when I was writing." Audrey introduced us to the gorgeous, tall brunette in front of us. "This is Marissa and Alex, they are the two who are going to manage the Casino Ballroom this summer."

"Very nice to meet you ladies. Welcome to the Falls Café." Marina said as she looked at Marissa and Alex. Her accent was exotic, it was like nothing either of the girls had ever heard before."

"Thank you, thanks for inviting us. Audrey told us how popular your parties are!" Alex spoke.

"Oh, did she? She brags too much…" Marina and Audrey looked into each other's eyes and anyone who saw this could tell the two were in love. "She enjoys it though."

"I don't brag, I just like to tell people how wonderful you are." Audrey moved closer to Marina and put her arm around Marina's waist, Marina did the same to Audrey. Together the two were gorgeous. Alex thought about how in love those two were and wondered if her and Marissa would ever love each other like that.

"Okay, whatever you say… did she tell you about how SHE seduced ME? She loves telling that story." Marina inquired.

"No, I didn't tell them all of it." Audrey replied shyly.

"Well, sit down, get comfy, she will tell you now…"

"Thanks Marina." She looked over at her lover and smiled softly. "Okay, I told you briefly about how me met… well as I said before I was walking by one afternoon. I saw her through the window as she was working. She happened to look up and smile at me, I of course smiled back. The next day I went in, but she wasn't working. I quite upset, I wanted to see her again. I sat in a corner booth and just looked out the window. Little did I know she was watching me the entire time from her office. When I got up to leave, I saw her at her desk and she quickly looked away. From that day on, for the next two weeks I would go in, alone and sit at the same booth. When she was working out front I'd always steal small glances at her. I'd smile and so would she. If she was in her office, we'd smile brightly at one another when I went to leave. Then one day it was literally empty n here. She was the only one working too. I came in and she had my coffee ready for me just how I like it. She sat with me and we talked, I flirted, a lot. Well so did she, but not nearly as much as I did. She invited me to the party that night. After I finished my coffee I left. When I cam back later that night the place was packed, there was music, everything just like tonight. I had to make my move, I was falling for her so hard. I saw her go into her office and followed her in there. I closed the door behind me, which startled her and she turned towards me. I took her hands in mine and kissed her. We backed up against the wall. It started off slow and then it deepened. Before I knew it, she broke away. She stared at me and I stared back. I wasn't about to give up, she made me feel something I had never felt towards someone. She broke the silence. 'That was… amazing, but… I don't think we should do this.' I looked at her and replied, 'Why not?' She looked at me and had thought in her eyes. 'Audrey, you are only 17, I am 34.' I was quite upset at her for using age as the reason she didn't want to pursue a relationship. 'Oh please Marina, that has nothing do with any of this, and you know that.' She looked down at the ground, knowing that she was defeated. She let her arms down and walked over tome. She put her hand to my face and smiled, she kissed me so passionately. When she broke away she softly said, 'You are too mature sometimes.' We smiled at each other once again. And well, that's about it, we've been together ever since, and it has been the most amazing six months of my life." Audrey finished her story and looked up at Marina, Marina kissed her lightly on the lips.

"And mine as well." Marina softly spoke. Alex and Marissa looked on and could see the love and adoration that surrounded Audrey and Marina.


End file.
